Bullies

The age old dilemma, what to do about bullies?

Bullies are those who feel the need to put others down, to abuse and insult other people, to dominate those smaller, slower, weaker than them.

Bullies feel no Empathy. There is no wiring in their heads that says: "How would I feel if I was in their shoes?"   And  "What would this feel like if it was happening to me?".

So, what do we do about them? Run from them? Attack them in return? Feed into their fear?  I guess that is the most elementary of reactions - to fight or flight.

There are those who would say, leave the bullies to bully - it is part of natures selection process: The survival of the fittest. Where the bullies gradually wipe out everyone 'below' them, leaving those equal to them or above.

However, advocating this solution only works until they find themselves to be the victim, or their own child is bullied. Then they see things from a different angle.

In Qui-Gon Jinn's words: "There is always a bigger fish".

Society has moved on from those cave-man days. We no longer punch people if we don't like them. We  [some of us]  have evolved as a race, where we learn the art of Conflict Management; negotiating, communicating, reasoning with people.

Unfortunately, there still exist the undeveloped kind of people that shoot first, then ask questions later. People like this kill spiders because they are afraid of them. They slam new ideas because they don't understand them. They attack people and concepts they don't understand.  Fear, fear, fear.

Bullying is based on fear. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of what's going on inside of them, fear of rejection, scared of being vulnerable.

So much fear. And what is the opposite to fear? LOVE of course.

Another thing to bare in mind, is that the bully is often bullied.

Like Edmund Blackadder said: "The abused always kick downwards".

The loud, aggressive, judgemental, critical boss at work, is often bullied at home.

Going back to the Amygdala Flight or Fight principle.

There are two responses to bullying:

1.     Flight, where we protect, shield, rescue, mollycoddle the victims.
This doesn't work because they never grow and develop.

2.     Fight, where we punish the bullies.
This doesn't work because we are treating fire with fire.

I like to hope there is a third way, which is: Education.

Re-training. Re-aligning. Re-programming. Re-wiring.

Always try and get to the Source of a problem.

Study the bully. Look into their past. Analyse their upbringing. Discuss their parents.

Why do they do the things they do? Try and understand them. Encourage them to know, understand and accept themselves.

Work with them to grow their self confidence, so they feel bigger inside, and won't have to make themselves appear bigger, louder, tougher on the outside.

Help them identify what's churning inside of them. Explain the difference between feeling something, and emoting something. Teach them Emotional Intelligence. Show them how their actions affect other people. Give them the attention they crave. Listen to them. Counsel them. Support them. Give them love and acceptance. Show them there is a better way, a road less travelled, a peaceable option.

Do the same for/with the victims. Reveal the victim mentality. Show them how their thoughts can attract or repel situations. Help them get Big Inside too. Encourage and love them, so their confidence grows too.

Everyone wants connection. To be heard. To be accepted. To be understood. To be loved. Give them this, and this earth will become heaven.