Dealing With Loss

Today I spoke with an old man who’s wife had recently died.

I listened to him saying how much he missed her, and how  “it”  hits you, at certain times in the day, during occasional times in the year.

Yes Loss, an experience most people have to go through themselves, before they can truly appreciate it’s impact. A smell can trigger it off, or when visiting a special place, when watching a programme, or listening to music we both liked.

I remember, when my Loss was fresh and raw, walking into a room in my house, and saying “Hello”. There was no answer, and the loneliness and sadness washed over me.

I remember looking at a view, turning round to share it, but there was no one there…

I cried every day at 6pm, because that was the time we used to have tea together.

I cried every day at 7pm, because that was the time I used to bath the boys.

I cried every day at 8pm; that was the time I used to read them a bedtime story.

There is no easy answer to loss and grieving, except to go through it, with the Aim of getting out the other side.

Lots of patience is required, lots of listening, lots of support and encouragement.

Grieving can’t be hurried, like a wound that needs to heal in it’s own time.

If I let myself, I can feel the pain just as sharply now, as I did 14 years ago.  If.

Loss can be different for each person. The loss of a loved pet. The loss of a job you've been in for 20 years. The loss of friends. The loss of identity.

Having been through the loss of my family, my Dream, my children, my wife, my marriage, my home, my possessions, my self respect, I encountered many people  who were completely unsympathetic, unfeeling, uncaring, superior and smug in attitude. Telling me this had happened to me because there was something wrong with me, and how it would never happen to them because they were a better husband than me. How evil. Sad to say, these were leaders in the church I attended.

Do I dwell on this Rejection?  Do I wallow in self pity?  Do I store up bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart? Of course not – what benefit is that to me?

No. I choose instead to learn from that Injustice, and give to other people NOW, that which I was denied at the time. Sympathy, grace, love, compassion, empathy, a listening ear, an encouraging word, a simple smile and most importantly, friendship. I give these gifts to other people liberally now. Lavishly.

I have used my past, to springboard me into my future.

I am a better person now, not because of my past, but because of my RESPONSE to what I have been through.  Well done Serge, proud of you mate.