To Desire is Natural

Why do I cry each time somebody asks me "What do you really want?".

I cry, because I remember how I spent my whole life doing things that OTHER people expected me to do.

To appease. To fit in. To impress. To be accepted. To do the 'right' thing. To be appropriate.

Duty. Obligation. Guilt. Pressure.

When I fell, where were all those people I was trying to please?

They were no-where. I was alone.

(Learning 1: Do things for me, that please and ease me. Let other people and their opinions go. Literally: "either support me  encourage me  challenge me, or get out of my life").

I cry because I remember how I did things for MONEY only.

It put me in a survival mentality instead of an abundance mentality.

Just give me enough to cover the rent. Just get me a j o b (Just Over Broke).

(Learning 2: Do things for a higher reason. I now provide a service I love to do. I enhance other people's lives. I give people what they want. And the money now flows as a grateful by-product).

I cry because I've been conditioned all my life to deny myself. To suffer. To appease. To live in need, not in plenty. To live in poverty, not in abundance. Not allowed to have desires; that is somehow evil. To deny the 'flesh'. To not have wants, because that is greedy. Having basic needs met is enough.

(Learning 3: it is GOOD to have desires. It is natural to want more. It is what causes growth. Do not make my wants, my wishes, my desires,  the enemy. Embrace all of me, otherwise there are dark spots, hidden, unknown areas.

DIS-ease brings about disease. Ease myself, do things that satisfy me, and this will reflect in the way I treat others).

I cry because I believed deep down, that the universe was a malevolent place. Like there is no kindness in the world. I had an inherent distrust of God/Source, other people. Like everyone is out to get me, to hurt me, to teach me a lesson, to dominate me, to break me, to cause me to suffer.

(Learning 4: make a list of all the good things I have, the wonderful things that have happened to me, the miracles in my life.  See?  Proof that life is great, I am blessed, and I expect more joy is on the way!).

And now I cry with relief and joy, because I am not on that guilt path any more. I have seen the light, and I spread light. I am not a "person of the lie", I have experienced truth, and I spread truth, light and grace in other peoples lives.

I have stopped worrying about the future, dragging tomorrow's problems into today,

and regretting and stressing about the past  (instead of being grateful for my path),

instead, I am now revelling in the NOW,

where I love and accept who I am, where I am, what I've become,

and can finally look in the mirror,  relax and smile,

and be proud of the person who looks back at me.

What an awesome life!