Withdraw Permission

Yesterday, I was at a Sales training workshop.

The presenter was one of the most powerful ladies I have ever met, full of confidence, excellent at her job, in complete control of her surroundings, you know, the stuff super heroes are made of.

During the break, I dared to ask her a question,  and in just one sentence, she reduced me to a naughty boy who’s said something stupid,  and dismissed me, sent me away with my tail between my legs.

Except…….... I didn’t let it happen like that.

I turned back immediately, and continued a friendly, adult conversation. I didn’t give her permission to treat me like that.  I won’t allow anyone to ever again, treat me like that.

I didn’t lessen her power, or affect her in any way, I just modified my reaction, and by doing so, reduced her hold over me.  I withdrew permission and took back my own power.

This experience reminded me of many other people in my past, to whom I have withdrawn permission. Church leaders, bosses and other such bullies.

Since 2006, I have been able to CHOOSE how I respond to people.

Notice I didn’t say I could control other people – I can’t.  However, a change in me  means I attract bullies less. Notice also, that I said I had a choice – doesn’t mean I get it right all the time; Sometimes I catch myself just agreeing or towing the line.  But at least now the power is mine, should I choose to use it.

For example, one freeing moment  was when I suddenly realised  I could walk away.

I don’t have to sit there and take the beating anymore. I have legs, they work, nothing is stopping me simply getting up, excusing myself,  and leaving an uncomfortable meeting, or exiting a room, or simply walking away from an oppressive situation.

I have a choice.

For me, this was a personal power I had never experienced before – it was so freeing!

People only have power over us, as long as we give them permission.

Situations only have power over us, as long as we give them permission or weight.

If a situation or a person always makes me react in a certain way, then I withdraw permission, I refuse it access, I pull it’s teeth, I rename it, I call it something else.

I am in control of me and my responses.  Nothing and nobody makes me do anything.

If we say we are   not   in control of ourselves, then who is?  The weather?  Our dead parents?  Our work colleagues?  Do we say he/she made me?  Why do we give them so much power over us?  Makes us weak and unstable and tossed to and fro like a wave in the sea.

The situation or person has now lost it’s/their hold over me. I am free.

Remember the little boy who is bullied in school,  who learns self defence, and gradually starts giving off an aura of quiet confidence.  He may never need to use his newfound power, it just emanates out of him. It’s an inner strength (Big Inside), that people just pick up subconsciously.  He notices after a few months, that he has more friends, and nobody is bullying him any more.

And his heart sings…..