Can't Talk Right Now

It occurred to me today how sensitive, cautious, wary, careful, perceptive, we have to be when approaching another human being.

For any reason, work, street, shop, a friend.

Approaching another person, stepping into their life however briefly, is like stepping into another world, a delicate eco-system, like a coral reef, which has it’s own weather system and micro-climate.

We have no idea, what kind of day this person is having, what they’ve been through, what they are thinking, how they feel, how close to the edge they are. We just march in with our request  regardless.  Bam. Straight in with me me me, I was thinking this, I want you to do that etc. Without a second thought as to the state of the person we are talking to.

I remember getting into work at 7am to fix a problem. I worked hard on this solution, and had two hours to formulate my plan, marshal my thoughts, prepare my approach. At 9am, my colleague walks in, and I’m ready to pounce, itching to get started. Before they have a chance to take their coat off, I’m straight IN there, hitting them with a barrage of work stuff.

The person bursts into tears, and runs off to the loo.

If they had slapped me, or sworn at me, I would have deserved it, insensitive as I was.

If I am driving past a friends area, and I knock on their door on impulse – uninvited, unannounced, surprise! Do I expect to simply march in? Of course not!  How can I possibly know what’s happening in their world. My very first question is:  “Is This Convenient?”.  And be prepared to walk away if they say no.

I’ve got to the stage now, where I will park round the corner and ring or text, rather than just march up their drive and land on them. Then I am guaranteed a welcome.

Telephoning is a good example of invading someone’s world.

A friend of mine has been thinking about me all day, been meaning to call me for weeks. They finally get time, they make a drink, sit down comfy with their phone and a biscuit, and dial my number. What were they expecting? A relaxed chat?  How can they possibly know where I am when I get their call? What I am doing, who I am with, what pressures I am enduring?

I really  want  to talk with them, have been waiting for their call for ages, but I am surrounded by people and in the middle of setting up a room for an event. What shall I do? I try and talk to them hurriedly WHILE rushing around. Panting, struggling, out of breath. Eventually I say a distracted Bye, put the phone away and get back to my event.

They put their phone down, look at it and their half empty cup in silence, and feel deflated. They feel unappreciated by me. They feel unheard.  Like I was trying to get rid of them. Fine, if Serge wants to treat me like that. But the simple truth is, they phoned at an inconvenient time, and caught me off guard.

Their world was quiet and relaxed; My world was a whirlwind.

Yes, phoning is infinitely better than just turning up, but phoning is still an invasion into someone’s life.

Don’t even get me started on texting – texting is NOT a conversation, it is NOT interactive. Texting is the lowest form of communication, and the most easily misunderstood. It’s like sending a letter in the post; you have to wait for a reply before sending another one.

In general, I determine to be sensitive, delicate and caring, each time I approach anyone.