Confidence, not Arrogance

Confidence is wonderful;

Arrogance is terrible.

Arrogance is somebody imposing their knowledge or position on somebody else.

“This is the way things should be done because this is the way I do them”.

“I am going to take this / say this / do this / go here regardless of anyone else”.

“My way is the right way”.

“Your way is wrong”.

There is no consideration for the other person with arrogance.

No humility, no patience, no grace, no sensitivity.

They are not Big Inside.

You burst their bubble (by showing them some Truth), and they deflate.

There is no inner strength with arrogance.

They have no control of themselves inside, so they try to control others outside of them.

To be confident, on the other hand, is very different.

Confidence doesn't affect or involve another person at all.

Confidence is accompanied with a quiet manner, a humble attitude, an inner knowing.

The Confidence that comes from genuine superior knowledge or position, has been earned. The person who really has the knowledge and experience, is happy to let others try their own way, go their own path. There is a peace about them.

A confident person is very secure inside, they stand tall, but without pride, and will offer their opinion only if asked.

Confidence is like a Rock of Truth surrounded by a sea of lies. The lies will wash away, the Truth remains. The confident person doesn't need to push themselves to the front - their gift will make room for them.

Assertive, not Aggressive

Assertive is wonderful;

Aggressive is terrible.

Aggressive is somebody imposing their will on somebody else.

“I want you to do this”.

“I want you to go here”.

“I want you to BE this”.

“I want you to stop being that”.

There is no consideration for the other person with aggression.

There is no negotiation, no flexibility, no give-and-take.

The aggressive person has a huge need for control.

They are small inside, so they have to make their outside larger. Louder. Wider. Taller. Faster. Cleverer than anyone else.

Aggression is normally a cover-up for what’s really going on inside.

To be Assertive, on the other hand, is very different.

Assertiveness doesn't affect or involve another person at all.

Assertive is ME taking a Stance.

ME making a Stand.

ME asking for what I want.

ME claiming my rights.

When a small child asks for sweets, they don’t do it in an aggressive way. They simply ask the question, then stand firm and look you in the eyes. This is a skill many of us adults have forgotten; to simply ask for what we want.

Being Assertive  is me, being True  to myself. I require something to make me function better, so I am allowed to stand here and ask for it in a polite but firm manner, then continue standing.

To be true to oneself is so important.

I Want, I Choose

Living a Lie sounds a bit harsh; the opposite is Living in the Truth.

Being Authentic.

I am here because I WANT to be here.

I am doing this because I WANT to do this.

We all have a choice; exercising that right makes us oh so powerful.

So why else would I be here?  Why else would I do something?

Why else would I remain with someone?

Am I here because I feel guilty

Am I here because I want to please someone else

Am I here because I am afraid of rejection

Am I here because I feel a sense of duty or responsibility

Am I here because I want to be needed

Am I here because I was told to be here

Am I here because someone else is here

Am I here because I have nowhere else to be.

None of these are good reasons to do anything

None of these are good reasons to go anywhere

None of these are good reasons to be somewhere

None of these are good reasons to remain with someone.

I am here because I choose to be here

I am here because I want to be here

I am doing this because I am inspired to do so

I am doing this because I Love it.

Why is I WANT so important?
If I don't know what I Want, then I am being and doing what somebody else wants.

If I don't know where I am going, them I will probably follow someone else down their path.
Either way, I am not being true to myself.

So my learning for today, is to be Authentic, to be ME.

To be comfortable in my own skin.

To be brave enough to assert my requirements, my needs.

Because otherwise, nobody can know who I really am.

Neither can I.

And nobody ever gets the Best out of me, because only half of me is here.

I choose to Live in the Truth.

Diet - The Missing Piece of the Jigsaw

The importance of what we eat goes unrecognised and unappreciated so often.

We focus on exercise, but you can’t out-run a bad diet.

People don't realise that they are literally what they eat.

What goes into your mouth, is absorbed into your blood and produces new cells. So if you eat junk, that’s what your cells will be made of.

What are the effects of what you eat on:

Your health

Your breathing

Your immune system

Your skin

Your hair

Your blood

Your muscles

Your breath

Your libido

Your concentration span

Your schooling

Your work

Your creativity

Your relationships

Your outlook on life

But why on earth would my diet affect my relationships? My outlook on life?

Take two identical twins again.

Twin 1 eats fish and veg, salads and pulses, and in-between meals, snacks on fruit. Drinks green tea and tap water.

Twin 2 eats pastries and pies, cakes and sweets, white sugar and white bread, dough and fried foods, pizzas and crisps, microwave meals and fast food. Drinks fizzy pop and beer.

For Twin 1, the world is their oyster. They feel great! A clarity in their outlook. A brightness in their eyes. They can concentrate. They can create. They look younger than they are. They view people in a good light. They see the positive in situations. They hardly ever catch sickness, and shake off colds quick. High self esteem.

For Twin 2, the world looks heavy and low. They move sluggish. They think and react slower. They are often poorly. They stoop. They are always tired. Their skin is pale and blotchy. Their hair is a mess. Their eyes droop. They operate at half-energy, half-pace, half-awareness. They mis-understand and mis-hear people. They make bad decisions. They are irritable and snappy. Low confidence. Prone to depression.

I know this because I have tried both diets.

If you want your kid to do better in school, feed them better food.

Why does every lunch box have chocolate and crisps in it?

Diet is the missing ingredient to Life, the secret piece of the Health jigsaw puzzle.

The interesting thing about bad diet, is because it affects the brain, we are genuinely unaware of the effect it has on us. Bad diet clouds our brain. We don't know that our diet has altered our perception. All we know is that things seem to be going wrong all of a sudden. We are deceived, by the very food we eat.

Eat “Clean Food”, people. Straight off the plant, straight out of the soil. Un-processed by food corporations. When you can afford it, buy Organic; un-tainted by pesticides and chemicals. Meat that is grass-fed. Grains that are not bleached white.

The benefits of clean eating are immense. Our bodies will thank us for it, and reward us with vitality, power, youth, endless energy, clarity of thought and LIFE.

Awesome.

The World Hasn't Changed - You Have

I see two identical twin boys

walking along the street at night.

One of them has dark sun glasses on;  the World looks like a dark, unfriendly place to him.

The road seems gloomy, each corner looks more foreboding, each shadow looks deeper, each ally more threatening, each person more suspicious.

Even though he is walking the same path as his brother, and looking as confident on the outside, inside of him is a fear, a hesitancy, a distrust. A reluctance to try anything new. He has more to overcome than his brother.

The world isn't different, he is.

They both walk into a shop. It is night and he is wearing sun glasses. “Why is everyone looking at me funny” he observes. The world is an unfriendly place to him. People act strangely around him, edge away from him. They feel there is something odd about him, but can’t put their finger on it. He senses this and feels uncomfortable.

After years, this underlying discomfort becomes familiar. Becomes home. He learns to live with this feeling, this niggling distrust, this fear. He carries a heavier load than other people, lives a half-life.

The world isn't an unpleasant place,
but he perceives it as such.

“Take your dark glasses off” I beg him, “the world will seem brighter and your load lighter”.

“Oh no” he replies, “I can’t take them off because they are part of my Identity. These dark glasses are who I am. They are my image, my persona to the world. If I remove them, I will lose my Identity. I will lose who I am”.

How sad, for someone to link their entire existence with the filters on their eyes  and the beliefs in their head.
(You are far more than what you believe. Beware which beliefs you adopt -
are they True?  Make them yours, own them, or discard them).

One day, he decided to stop being a Coward, to stop hiding behind his Preconceived Filters, and he removed the dark glasses. Suddenly the World opened up to him. He could see clearly. There were no shadows. There was no fear anymore. Nothing looked sinister or suspicious. He could trust other people. People became pleasant towards him and accepted him. They invited him into their circles and loved him. His confidence grew, and he began trying new things. He no longer lives a half-life, he is enjoying every moment. Everything became an adventure for him; Play instead of hard work.

The World didn't change - He Did.

His perception changed.  His outlook changed.
His focus changed.

That’s the only power we have, to change ourselves.
And that is a TREMENDOUS power.

Depression Remedies

Encourage yourself.

Find good things to think about yourself.

Find good things to say about yourself.

Sing.

Dance.

Make yourself laugh.

Do something mad, anything to break you out of familiar habits.

Touch nature.
Go for a peaceful cycle ride.

Eat healthy foods from the earth: fruit, veg, fish.

Pick just ONE thing you did well, and congratulate yourself.

Reward yourself.

Sit in the sun.

Listen to wholesome music, avoid dark violent music.

Watch wholesome TV, avoid horror or soaps etc.

Spend time with nicer people, friendly people, upward looking people.

Look up at the sky a lot. Count chimneys.

Say Thank You to the birds for singing to you.

Help an older person with their bags, or cross the road.

Give to others, serve someone else.

Take the focus off yourself.

Join a local hill walking group.

Meditate.
Join a Yoga class.
Join a Tai Chi class.
Peaceful, relaxing, mindful movements.
Accept yourself.

Take time each day to be still and just breath.

Look at a nice view for a long time.
Listen to some Anthony Robbins.
Avoid people who gossip, lie, are false, or drain you in any way.
Exercise. Badminton after work? Swimming?
Get a dog. They are always so pleased to see you!
Have nice smells around your home, that please you, ease you.
Do the washing up before you go to bed. Coming down to a clean kitchen is pleasing.
Learn to play an instrument. Produce your own beauty.

Read inspiring books, like autobiographies of famous people.

Begin to write your own book or your own poetry.
Help out at the local church coffee mornings.
Start a Thank You list. A Gratitude Book. Fill it with the smallest things.
And finally, my personal favourite: learn to LOVE. Love people, love things, love situations
Replace everything you previously said "I hate" about, with "I love".
I used to hate the post because bills came in it. Now I say I Love the post because exciting new opportunities come in it!

Have I missed any?
What tools do YOU use to break yourself out of depression?
Because to get out and stay out, IS the aim.
Only then can you help others....

Depression like Mud

Depression is like mud.

When you fall or slip into mud,

You don't sit in it all day do you.

You don't wallow in mud for weeks and months.

You don't hang your head and shut yourself off from the rest of the world.

You don't assume you are the only person to fall prey to mud.

You don't eat unhealthy foods to comfort yourself for landing in the mud.

You don't sit there crying, heartbroken about the situation you find yourself in.

You don't lie there, kicking and screaming, blaming other people for making you muddy.

You don't let yourself fall apart and your appearance go to pot.

No, your first aim is

To leave the mud.
To exit it.
To be Free.

To stand tall.

To get back on your feet.

To rise up, shake off the dirt, and move on.

You are not interested in blaming anyone,   all you want to do is escape the situation.

In fact, your overriding priority, 100%, is to get out of the mud as soon as humanly possible.

To do WHATEVER IT TAKES, anything it takes, to free yourself of this sinking feeling, this stinking mud.

Same with depression