Some For a Reason, Some For a Season

I have often wondered why we attract the people we do, into our lives.

If it’s true, that our past thoughts created our present reality, then it should also be true, that people don’t just drift into and out of our lives. No, they are there because we attracted them for a specific reason or purpose.

It's always exciting and fun trying to work out the purpose for someone's existence in my life.

Why DID our paths cross?

·       Am I supposed to be learning something from you?

·       Am I supposed to offer some advice to you?

·       Are we supposed to help heal each other?

·       Are we supposed to be working on some project together?

·       Is there someone we both know that could benefit from our union?

·       Is this a brief seed-sowing transaction, preparing us for some future time?

Thinking like this is brilliant, because it encourages me to treat every other person with huge respect.

It also reminds me to study and listen intently to each person I encounter, partly out of respect of course, but mainly to ascertain their purpose in my life.

I have taught 5 year olds, and 78 year olds. Whatever a person’s age, intellect, schooling or condition, they are on this planet for a reason, and I want to honour them for it.

The purpose of today’s writing however, is to explore those inexplicable events or situations that happen to us, that appear to have no meaning, logic or reason. The people that drift into, and out of my life, and I have no idea what just happened.

Did I miss something?

Was I not aware enough?

Did I not listen closely enough?

Did I overpower them with my words or energy?

Should I chase after them? Book another appointment?

Or perhaps, it wasn’t my fault or responsibility after all. Perhaps our parting had nothing to do with me. Perhaps it wasn’t my error at all. Perhaps this was their opportunity, their chance, and they chose to not take it, they chose to shut themselves off from friendship and growth.

After all, that is every person’s Right; to remain sick, to remain damaged, to remain stuck. It’s not my job to ‘fix’ anyone.

So, in this case, it is perfectly acceptable and healthy to release people. If it is meant to be, you will come back; our paths will cross again”.

Such an interesting life!

I Am Responsible For Me

When I read Douglas Adams excellent books and listened to the absolute classic: “The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy” on the radio, I realised he had spent his whole adult life frustrated at the apparent random combination of events that happened in his life, the world, the universe.

He could see no cause and effect,  no action / reaction,  no correlation between what people sow and what people reap. He concluded finally, that it was all just happening by random (I won’t spoil the story if you haven’t read/heard it).

However, this century, there have been many Personal Growth and Self Help Teachers, (Ralph Waldo Emerson, James Allen, Napoleon Hill, Earl Nightingale to name just a few), telling us since the 1900’s that:

·       what we think about,

·       what we focus on

·       what we dwell on

·       what we meditate on

·       what we habitually talk about,

we actually become,

and we draw those imagined situations into our lives.

Again, this is no new 20th century revelation, even the Bible says in Proverbs: “As a person thinks, so they are”. And in Job: “That which I have feared has come upon me”.

So, it would appear there is a DIRECT LINK between what goes on in our heads, and the circumstances that unfold in our lives.

Now, we have to be veeerrrry gentle introducing this idea. I’ve noticed it makes people really angry.

Firstly, because they realise, there was a way out all the time, and they never knew it.

Secondly, it makes them responsible for themselves. This is a hard one, because we have been told all our lives, that we are controlled by external sources, other people’s opinions, or the weather gets us down etc.

“See now you’ve upset your brother/sister”.

“It wasn’t my fault, she/he made me do it”.

Do I really have such power over people? To make them feel/do things?

Do other people really have such power over me? To make me feel/do things?

Can I allow this? Can I disallow this?

My reactions to realising this principle, was:

Past  -  Could parts of my unpleasant past have been avoided, if I’d thought differently?

Present  -  Am I in this current condition because my thoughts attracted it to me?

Future  -  Excitement! Can I really affect my future? Can I really be a deliberate creator using my thoughts?

Realising I am responsible for me, my past, my present, my future, my actions, my words, my thoughts, was so FREEING.

Floating on the Breeze

Further to yesterdays discussion about birds using the wind to lift themselves up, I got to thinking about the ultimate bird – the Rulers of the Sky – the Eagle.

Eagles don't flap to get themselves up in the air, they already START HIGH.

Eagles are awesome and inspiring creatures. They are like the old matriarchs of bygone days, the wisest and most experienced of all birds. They are so far advanced. They have learnt and evolved so much.

They don't start at the bottom of the valley, and struggle to get to the cliff top, they already LIVE at the cliff top.

They dwell in,  they remain in,  they inhabit the high places.

It's like they have benefited from generations of DNA passed down between them, to the point where they naturally and instinctively make their permanent residence on the tops of mountains.

Perhaps, many generations ago, they were once like chickens . Scratting around on the ground for scraps and seeds, fattening themselves up in anticipation of being someone's lunch in the future.

Perhaps they took off like normal birds do, flapping frantically, trying to get air-born using their own strength and efforts, desperate for a breath of air to cling to and use as a handrail.

But those days are long gone. They must have learnt all the lessons generations ago, to the point where they are now BORN on the tops of the mountains. The valley floor is so far below them, other animals look small and slow in their eyes.

They don't have to get high, they already ARE high. They BE high.

They don't look up to anyone, because they live at the top.

I have watched an Eagle take off.  It doesn't hurry, it stands there patiently, at the edge of the cliff, waiting for the right current, the optimum gust. When it comes, they simply spread their wings and lean into it. It is their wings which do the work, not their muscles. They use the law of aerodynamics, not their own stress and effort. Flying is not hard work to them, it is effortless.

How inspiring this is for me, to never struggle again using my own efforts, but rather to use the gusts, the winds, the currents of life, to float, to glide, to elevate myself way above my problems.

How I want to never sink again to the valley floor, but to remain up there, on the crags, on the cliff edge, on the mountain tops, looking down on the problems that phase normal people.

Finally, I want to use natural and universal laws to my advantage, rather than striving to resolve situations using human means and intellect alone.

Use The Currents

If we take the time to look, there are messages and lessons all around us – nature is shouting at us in unlimited and creative ways.

Today I watched a small bird, seemingly hovering in the air, no movement, no activity, no pressure.  Then suddenly it began to flap madly for a few moments, before returning to it's peaceful state.

I wondered, what that was all that about?  It hadn't gained any distance, it hadn't caught anything to eat, all it's efforts appeared to have been for no reason or benefit.

Then I realised: It had gained Height.

When I was hand gliding, they taught us that wind was not an endless force that kept on battering us relentlessly. Wind comes in bubbles. There is a beginning to a bubble of wind, and an end. There is a top and a bottom. There is a left and a right. If you are slightly to low, high or late, you will miss the wind. It will pass by you, and you will not be affected by it. This is great if that was your intention, but bad if you had planed to use the wind to elevate yourself, to gain new heights, fresh perspectives, wider outlooks.

To use the wind; that's a powerful expression.

If the wind feels like a never-ending storm, remember it is not never-ending, it is just a bubble of air and it will pass soon. Rather than object, complain, resist and cling on (like the trees),  I choose instead to use the wind to lift myself up, like the small bird.

A burst of hard effort, for the short period of time that the storm lasts, and I will reap the benefits very soon:

• My muscles will have grown during the flapping.
• My head will have cleared in the wind, my skin will be cleaner for it.
• I have used an unfortunate situation to better myself.
• My eyes can now see further.
• My perspective is wider.
• I am now in a New Place, a higher elevation, looking down on my problems.

I learn from the birds!

Sedentary

Treated myself to a pair of running shoes this Christmas.

Very excited, I went out on my first run, and quickly realised two things:

1. How out-of-shape I was
2. How natural running is

How easy it is to slip into a sedentary lifestyle, yet how unnatural it is for us humans.

We were made to move and be active, yet we go from bed, to kitchen seat, to car seat, to office seat, back to car seat, perhaps a restaurant seat, maybe even a theatre seat, then back home to the couch seat, finishing up at the kitchen seat again before going back to bed. All this sitting! It's doing us damage.

Inactivity makes the muscles go floppy – they don't have to hold anything up.

Inactivity makes the joints less flexible and lubricated.

Inactivity makes the bones weaker.

Inactivity makes the lungs and rib cage shrink.

Inactivity makes the heart get used to not pumping blood around very fast.

Inactivity makes you cold all the time.

When I started running, I realised my muscles were suddenly required to do their job; what they were made to do, to protect my skeleton from jars and shocks.

Feeling my spine bashing against my pelvis reminded me that tensing the abdomen acts as a girdle, which protects the whole back and spine area.

Feeling the bashing of my heel on the ground reminded me to run on my toes to protect my knees and cushion the rest of my body from impact.

Waving my arms back and to, reminded me how large my ribcage and lung capacity used to be.

Hearing my heart pounding in my ears, reminded me how good it was to feel my blood being forced through my body, instead of merely doing it's customary slow journey.

And finally, the “feel-good” factor. The endorphins that get pumped around the body make me feel alive and bouncing on the inside.

My personal favourite about going on a jog, is the character traits which it encourages. Peace, patience, long suffering, focussed thinking, more calm and relaxed inside. I become more philosophical and less stressed. More accepting. More in the Now.

So, I am not encouraging everyone to run, it doesn't suit everyone. However I will certainly encourage everyone to move more than their normal day dictates. Raise the bar slightly. Do some stretching,  palates,  yoga,  go for a swim,  a fast walk whilst swinging your arms,  anything to break out of this chair-hopping lifestyle.

Should

This should have been done like this

This shouldn't have been done like that

This should have turned out like this

This should not have happened

You should do this

You shouldn't have done that

You should have said this

You shouldn't have said that

You should try this

I should be like this

I should go here

This should work.

In my opinion, there are three kinds of Should's:

1. A should that occurred in the past
2. A should that may or may not occur in the future.
3. A should that is designed as a reprimand or command, instructing people what to do, or telling them off.

Every time we say “Should”, we are not living in the Present moment. We are living either in the Past, or the Future.

No amount of talking about the past will change it. No amount of beating ourselves up about what we did or said, will alter what actually happened. We need to, of course, learn from our past, so as not to repeat the same mistakes. That's why History in school was important.

Talking about the future can often be accompanied with worry and anxiety, as we try to forecast or predict what the future will hold. The truth is, we don't know what is around the corner. To prepare and plan is of course the right thing to do, but to live in a Should is so stressful. Remember, FEAR is:

False (or Fantasized)

Expectations

Appearing

Real

Better to live in the NOW, where I can affect it. I choose to not be angry about the past, and I choose to not feed anxiety into my future.

The worst kind of Should is the one we put on other people. You should do this, or You should go there. It's our Ego, our opinion, as we try to make ourselves big on the outside, over-compensating for our smallness inside.

Finally, my personal nemesis is the Should that is born out of duty, pressure, appeasing people: I should do this. I should go there. Stop it!

Better to choose deliberately, and then say “I Love to do this” and “I want to go there”.

Trees V Grass

Today I want to explore the issues of Ego, and living in the Present.

The trees have the Ego, and the Grass lives in the Present moment.

The trees are the rulers of the forest, aren't they. They stand tall and proud, hands and arms uplifted to the sky, overseeing their domain. It has taken them hundreds of years to grow in this spot, and nothing is going to shift them. They are the Masters;  birds, insects, entire species of animals need them to survive, to take shelter in them or on them. A dominant breed certainly.

And what of the grass? Well, who gives it a second thought eh? We step on the grass, we ignore the grass, we take it for granted. It's there, it's green, so what. We cut it with our mowers and then bin it. It has no rights or privileges. It is the lowest of the plant species.

Until the storm comes. Until the wind blows. Until the flood comes.

When the wind blows, what does the tree do? It resists. Why? Because it has a memory and an Ego problem. It believes it is the King of the plant species. It remembers the past, and how many storms it has overcome. So it fights back. When the wind blows from the East, the tree faces it and resists it. It defies the wind: "Come on wind, do your worst, I have stood here for hundreds of years; you are just a puff of air that is here today gone tomorrow. Hit me with your best shot, and I will take it".

As we know by now, "what you resist, persists". And "what you focus on, grows".

So the wind blows, the storm comes, the tree resists, objects, complains, whinges, throws a tantrum, and eventually either blows down with an almighty crack, or is uprooted and falls over.

How humiliating, after all that big talk: “It shouldn't have happened to me”.

When the wind blows, what does the grass do? It allows and submits. Why? Because it has no Ego, no pride, no memory of yesterday, and no expectations for tomorrow. The grass doesn't care whether the wind blows from the North, South, East or West, or even from straight above! It can and will cope with anything. It bends with the situation, it rolls with the times, it adapts to the problem, and ultimately, it survives and thrives. “I don't care what you throw at me, I know I will stand up again, if not tomorrow, then certainly within a week”.

Those who resist are actually complaining like the tree.

Those who allow, are living in the NOW like the grass.

I thought all this after I'd seen entire trees uprooted, snapped and on their sides after a recent storm. While the grass merrily stood there, waving happily in the breeze...

Trees & their Root Systems

I learnt something about trees when I was working for a landscape gardener, that their root system acts as muscles to hold them up.
When the wind blows from the left, the left root has to dig deep to hold the tree in the ground. So the muscle grows on that side.
When the wind blows from the right, the right root forces itself to dig down and clench the soil, thus strengthening that side.

And so it continues. The tree gets buffeted about on all sides, gaining girth and strength and experience on all sides. The more buffeting it gets, the stronger and taller it becomes.

When it's icy the trunk buckles down to take it. When there's a drought, the roots travel amazing distances to find moisture.

This principle of nature is a bit too unpleasant for me, so I have to focus on the good aspects:

1. Any storm is good for me. Or, at least, I can use it to my advantage, to better me.
2. Any storm will pass. They are only temporary. The aim is to get through it. Hang in there until it's over.
3. The more storms I live through, the bigger and bolder I become inside.
4. The more weather systems I encounter, the more experienced I become.

Baby trees are called saplings. In their early years, we wrap them in orange plastic to protect them from the elements. Our aim is to help them grow straight up, not crooked.

However, if we left the plastic around them, thinking we are being kind, they become dependant on it, and never learn to fend for themselves, sending their own roots down to grip the soil themselves.

Dependency is a habit. It's what children do in their early years. Our job as parents is to prepare them for the 80 years of adulthood they will face, not to keep them as children.

You can replace the dependency habit with new habits of INdependence gradually, one by one. Something you grow into. Sadly, some people never grow out of dependence. They reach their 40's and 50's and are still dependant on their parents to bail them out, the state to give them money, the take-aways to feed them, the telly to entertain them, the solicitor to communicate for them.

I pass by a really tall majestic tree every Tuesday, and stop and look at it every week. Two separate trunks, growing straight up, no wavering, no hesitation, both of them proud, self assured, no apologies. Very impressive. What makes it like it is I wonder? It's the root system of course. This tree has had to go through many many storms, and has pulled through, and is now the tallest tree in the field.  Respect.

Let's welcome experiences.  If we respond to them correctly, they will be the most valuable learning tool we have

Tuning Forks 2

Here is another interesting characteristic about Tuning Forks; they resonate at a specific frequency.

Concert pitch “A” resonates at a frequency of 440Hz.

Not sure why this figure was chosen, there is a good case for concert pitch “A” to be 432Hz, as this is deemed better for our hearing and bodies, and makes for a more relaxing sound experience.

Regardless, let's say there are a hundred tuning forks in a room, all attuned at different frequencies. If I ring the “A” tuning fork, all the other “A” forks will also sing in unison and harmony.
All the forks NOT in-tune with 440Hz will remain:
unaffected,
unconcerned,
unresponsive,
unperturbed,
nonplussed
and possibly slightly bored.

What do we naturally do? Bunch all the “A's” together of course! They think alike, sound the same, are naturally attracted to each other, and all have a similar purpose in life.

Isn't this astounding!

Oh my goodness, how many meetings have I been in, were there is a speaker/leader/motivator type person at the front, and I look around and some people are really getting it (resonating at a similar frequency as the speaker), and other people have their arms folded and it's all completely washing over them; they look like they wish they were somewhere else. Because they are not in-tune.

Two harps in a room, I twang a string on one of them and the very same string starts to vibrate on the other harp. Same with piano's. The strings are prepared, poised, in-tune, ready for action. As soon as something in the vicinity resonates similar to them, they pick it up immediately. Sensitive, intuitive. Just like me.

So, how important is it for us to surround ourselves with people who resonate at a similar (or slightly higher) frequency to us?   VITAL.  And as we start resonating at higher frequencies ourselves, we mustn't be afraid to let people go who refuse to match our enthusiasm, passion, vision, purpose.

They are out of our lives for a reason, don't go chasing after them. If you spend time with them, they may lower your vibration down to theirs. That would be a tragedy when you've come so far.

Tuning Forks 1

Do you remember the old tuning forks we played with when we were younger?

How we used to hit them on the side of the desk, then place them on their end on the desk, and they used to give out a lovely note.

Points of interest:

1. They needed to be struck.
   They wouldn't respond to a gentle stroke or the spoken word.
   Seems to be a recurring pattern in the Universe, that bodies need agitating and provoking before they realise their full potential and purpose in life.
   Water needs boiling, trees need buffeting, pearls need rubbing, diamonds need compressing. I don't like the principle, I'd much rather be stroked, encouraged and treated gently in order to grow, but there it is; it's in nature and seems to be a global law. And as with any law, we have to accept it and work with it. Interfering with a caterpillar coming out of its cocoon will make it emerge weak and die early.
   Let's use our struggles to make us stronger.
   
2. They had to be grounded.
   A tuning fork would not release its precious sound, if it was waved or suspended in the air.
   It needs to be centred, anchored, rooted, settled, resting. A grounding on a firm foundation. How valuable is this in our daily lives? To “Know Thyself”, to be confident inside, to be at peace with ourselves, other people and the Universe. To take time each day to be silent. To shelter in the storm. To know who we are inside and to be sure of our purpose on this planet. To live in the Present, not be angry about the past or worried about the future.
   
3. They only had one Note.
   A tuning fork is designed at a cellular level, to do one job, and do it phenomenally well. It was not designed to play an entire song. Its purpose is not to run the show on it's own. It was made to work in harmony with others. It needs all the other notes to make a tune. Again, how relevant is this in our daily lives? Showing us that we need each other to make the world go round. How on our own, we make one lonely (all-be-it perfect) note, but working with others, we become a useful and productive orchestra, contributing to the benefit of all.

Love it!

This isn't a Classroom

It’s true, I am a Natural Teacher.

I have been blessed with this natural ability to expound complex subjects,

to empathise with people,

to see things from others eyes,

to understand what it feels like to walk in someone else’s shoes.

to speak in plain English, no jargon, slang or abbreviations.

This makes me the perfect teacher for any subject,

be it music or technology,

I can speak the language of 5 year olds and 95 year olds,

as long as I can understand it from first principles myself, I can teach anything to anyone.

Unfortunately, each gifting comes with another side to it. My natural instinct is to try to instruct everyone. To try and ‘help’ everyone. To try and improve everyone. To tell everyone what to do. What is this impulse? Is it an attempt to make everyone be like me? I hope not!

So, I have to put a guard on my keenness, and realise that I am NOT in a classroom, I am in my car.

If people had paid, and were sitting at my feet wanting instruction, that would give me license to teach, but people are not. They are simply fellow motorists, passengers, shoppers etc, who are getting along with their respective lives, and have no interest in my opinions or my desire to recommend a better way of doing things.

So I choose to relax, let go, and let other people BE. Without any influence from me.

And I’ll keep my teacher instinct to myself, until asked!

Paradigm

What is a habit?
Why is it so important to break bad habits?
Why is it so necessary to form new habits?

Let’s say I open my bedroom curtains in the morning,
and declare:  “What a miserable day”.
Complaint number 1.

Then I walk downstairs moaning: “It’s flippin freezing”.
Complaint number 2.

I look in my fridge, and curse at the lack of milk/butter/bread.
Complaint number 3.

When I drive to work, I get angry at the bad drivers.

Complaint number 4.

Can you see how complaining becomes a habit?

And multiple complaining becomes a way of life, a paradigm.

We become used to looking for the bad in situations and people.

We expect bad things to happen to us.  And indeed they do. Bad situations are attracted to us; our minds attract them into our experience.

All because of years of combined complaints and moans, called our Paradigm.

So, how to break or change a paradigm? Well, it’s not that easy. You have spent years building this monolith, it has now become a way of life, a habit, it won’t tear down just like that. I find it often has to be nibbled at over time, replacing every complaint or objection, with gratitude, thanksgiving and acceptance, one by one, as they occur.

Actually, my first success was in admitting I was truly trapped, in a way of thinking and living that was so entrenched, I simply couldn’t get out of on my own.

Sounds like hard work? The result is fabulous! However long it takes, breaking a life-long paradigm is a momentous endeavour, and well worth a celebration at the end!

Try it!

Punishment

Have you noticed how our whole Western culture

revolves around Punishment and fear?

Wouldn’t it be lovely to receive (and dish out) some praise, thanks and encouragement for a change.

There are parents who don’t speak to their children all day, until the child does something the adult disapproves of, then they come down on the kids like a tonne of bricks, and administer a punishment.

Then there are bosses who never compliment or encourage their staff all year, but are quick to call them in for a disciplinary when something goes wrong.

I was thinking specifically about the police, who will never thank or reward us careful drivers for many years of safe driving, but are happy to slap an endorsement and fine on us the one time we do something slightly wrong.
There is no encouragement or incentive to do good, only punishment when we make a mistake. This is a sad state of affairs.

How does Nature handle these matters? Do you plant a flower in a pot, then go out and hit it to make it grow? Do you punish a tomato plant for not producing its fruit? Isn’t it better instead, to water it, fertilise it, encourage it, keep it warm, look after it, love it, speak kind words to it?

I would much rather my kids did the right thing because they love me, not fear me.

I say we should be treating each other like this:

Lets lift each other up,

commend one another,

support one another,

encourage one another,

love each other,

accept each other,

praise one another for doing good.

Let’s not wait for someone to slip up, then hammer them like our social culture dictates. Let’s rise above the norm and encourage people to do good.

After all, to prevent is better than to cure.

Surname Is Back

Well! After a gap of 8 months, the Book has restarted!

So much has happened since my last entry in June 2013 - so many good things.

I have transformed, my life has transformed, all for the better.

What did I do differently in March 2013, that changed my life so dramatically?

A combination of things:

·       I started exercising; a short run each day, just 5 mins, increasing to 7 mins.

The increase in good chemicals pumping around the body does wonders for the outlook.

·       I started spending time sitting quietly, in silence, sometimes breathing consciously, other times simply looking at the hedge. Reveling in the Present.

Slowly, peace and contentment started creeping into my life.

·       I started writing this book.

Getting thoughts and feelings onto paper is so cathartic. It crystallised my passion for personal growth. I love sharing my progress with the world.

·       I started to Love. I loved my life, I loved my home, I loved my work, I loved myself.

This opened me up to attracting a beautiful woman into my life. Real Love!

Soon, I started vibrating at such a high level, all sorts of opportunities flooded into my life.

Opportunities to play piano in care homes and hotels.

Opportunities to teach music in schools.

Opportunities to perform with fellow artists.

Opportunities to teach computing.

Opportunities to give LinkedIn presentations.

Without me realising it, or focusing on it, the money started pouring into my bank account, enabling me to reinvest it all in enhancing the business. The goal of getting into the Credit with the Bank is now in sight!

I focused instead, on providing the best service I possibly could, to people who really appreciated it.

After Christmas 2013, I did wonder what my next step would be, but I needn't have worried - students suddenly flooded into my life. Over 20 a week! The most I've ever had. And, of course, I LOVE it again! And I love each student.

So, today is the first day of resuming my book, so I can look in the mirror and proudly declare:

“Serge is Back”!

I urge you to do the same: each time you look in the mirror today, whatever your Surname is, replace it with the words  “IS BACK”!