To Desire is Natural

Why do I cry each time somebody asks me "What do you really want?".

I cry, because I remember how I spent my whole life doing things that OTHER people expected me to do.

To appease. To fit in. To impress. To be accepted. To do the 'right' thing. To be appropriate.

Duty. Obligation. Guilt. Pressure.

When I fell, where were all those people I was trying to please?

They were no-where. I was alone.

(Learning 1: Do things for me, that please and ease me. Let other people and their opinions go. Literally: "either support me  encourage me  challenge me, or get out of my life").

I cry because I remember how I did things for MONEY only.

It put me in a survival mentality instead of an abundance mentality.

Just give me enough to cover the rent. Just get me a j o b (Just Over Broke).

(Learning 2: Do things for a higher reason. I now provide a service I love to do. I enhance other people's lives. I give people what they want. And the money now flows as a grateful by-product).

I cry because I've been conditioned all my life to deny myself. To suffer. To appease. To live in need, not in plenty. To live in poverty, not in abundance. Not allowed to have desires; that is somehow evil. To deny the 'flesh'. To not have wants, because that is greedy. Having basic needs met is enough.

(Learning 3: it is GOOD to have desires. It is natural to want more. It is what causes growth. Do not make my wants, my wishes, my desires,  the enemy. Embrace all of me, otherwise there are dark spots, hidden, unknown areas.

DIS-ease brings about disease. Ease myself, do things that satisfy me, and this will reflect in the way I treat others).

I cry because I believed deep down, that the universe was a malevolent place. Like there is no kindness in the world. I had an inherent distrust of God/Source, other people. Like everyone is out to get me, to hurt me, to teach me a lesson, to dominate me, to break me, to cause me to suffer.

(Learning 4: make a list of all the good things I have, the wonderful things that have happened to me, the miracles in my life.  See?  Proof that life is great, I am blessed, and I expect more joy is on the way!).

And now I cry with relief and joy, because I am not on that guilt path any more. I have seen the light, and I spread light. I am not a "person of the lie", I have experienced truth, and I spread truth, light and grace in other peoples lives.

I have stopped worrying about the future, dragging tomorrow's problems into today,

and regretting and stressing about the past  (instead of being grateful for my path),

instead, I am now revelling in the NOW,

where I love and accept who I am, where I am, what I've become,

and can finally look in the mirror,  relax and smile,

and be proud of the person who looks back at me.

What an awesome life!

The Joys of a divorced Dad

Today my son came to visit me straight from school. He was going to another event straight from school, he was hungry, and his evening meal was not due until late that evening. So I, of course, didn't even hesitate; I opened the fridge, took out my own pre-made meal for the day, and gave it all to him.

Watching him eat so heartily brought tears to my eyes.

The love of a father for his children is so great, and cannot be adequately described.

What a privilege it is to provide for your own children.

What a joy it is to watch them grow.

What fun it is to cook with them, to play with them, to do their homework with them.

What an honour to explore nature with them, to work in the garden side-by-side, to discuss the best way to cut a tree down like two chums.

What a pleasing responsibility it is, to teach them things you wish you had known when you were their age!

My two boys were my best friends for years. There was no one else I'd rather hang out with. We went for muddy walks together, went swimming in the sea in winter, climbed high trees, built igloos, played music together.

As they grew into teenage, they started desiring their own space.

My love of course grants them this. There is no merit in holding someone back or down.

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, that's a bonus.

When you let them go, do so with all your heart.  Absorb the loss.  Grieve.

Fortunately, my boys came back with increased love and respect for me. Which is of course how I treat them!

I taught them they could be anything they wanted to be.

I encouraged them and lifted them up every day.

I forbade gossip and bad mouthing in my presence.

We always strove to find the good in every situation.

I made sure we looked beyond the physical,

always listened to both sides of a story,

and never judged anyone.

Children are to be loved and protected and released. Don't clip their wings, let them fly.

Quiet Water

Today I am overwhelmed with gratitude because of the simplest of things.

Things which may be taken for granted, but are major beauties in my life.

1. The Silence

How many people wake up to the noise of diggers and workmen outside their window,

Or lie there listening through the wall to the neighbour in their bathroom.

How many people go to sleep listening to shouting next door,

Or lie there listening to the endless traffic below.

One of my greatest joys, is the silence where I live. I am so fortunate, blessed, lucky, delighted !

I can hold my breath, and hear nothing except for my own noise.

When I step outside my door, and all I can hear are the birds.

My background is being raised in a big city (London), so this peace and quiet is something I will never take for granted. I am so grateful, permanently appreciative, wonderfully thankful.

Thank you Thank you, I say constantly.

2. Water

How many people in this world do NOT have fresh running water? Most of the world, I think.

How many people have to walk miles to collect some untreated, brown, muddy liquid that's collected in a well somewhere?

How lucky, blessed, favoured, happy I am to be able to reach for a glass, fill it with clear water, and drink my fill.  This is something I will truly never take for granted.

And as if that wasn't wonderful and amazing and incredible enough, I can have a shower in water!

I watch clean sparking water coming out of the shower head in wonder and awe.

I watch the precious liquid running down the plughole in extreme appreciation.

Life giving water, that millions of people need to survive, I have in abundance.

Thank you Thank you, I say constantly.