Joy Comes From A Deep Place

I left the city, and moved my young family into the country.

From smelly, noisy, fast London, to Coventry, then to a quiet, beautiful, secluded Welsh valley, surrounded by trees, hills, wildlife, the smells of the country; a wonderful, magical place.

I should have been happy, yes?

But looking out of the window, I cried.

I couldn’t see any of the beauty around me. All I could see was my lack of job and our dwindling finances, my stressed wife and our declining relationship, stressing over my studies to try and graduate.

That period taught me that if my heart was heavy and sad, then it makes no difference what the environment is on the outside of me – I won’t see it or benefit from it.

On the other hand, I have learned in recent years, that if my heart is light and grateful and positive and free and giving and peaceful,

then EVERYTHING is beautiful.

It is possible to see beauty and joy all around, in all of nature, in every situation.

What is it about British people – they insist on moaning about everything. Especially the weather. Even if it’s a good thing, somebody will say: Oh it won’t last.
Fortunately, I don’t surround myself with people like this anymore.

When I meet them, I always counter their negativity with my positivity.

My heart sings despite the weather. Joy doesn’t come from the outside, but from a deep place within.

Mondays

What a beautiful day!

I rolled out of bed in excitement and anticipation,

did my usual  thank-you, thank-you, thank-you  plod

to the bathroom and back (thank you Jack Cranfield for that one!),

looked out of the window at the grey sky, the rain, the wet grass,

and my heart Sang.

I sighed in appreciation and my Heart Sang.

My heart sings despite the weather.

Joy doesn’t come from the outside, but from a deep place inside, doesn’t it.

I make my way downstairs and fling open the front door, to be greeted by my Leylandii hedge, and a chorus of bird-song!

The rain has just stopped, and the birds are celebrating by giving me my own personal concert. I sit on a chair, ignoring my wet bottom, and listen to the sounds of the morning in sheer delight.

I embrace the grey sky and,  in gratitude,  it reaches down and envelops me, washing waves of peace and satisfaction over me.

Then I remember today is Monday, and wonder why people hate Mondays so much.  I also remember how bad it is for us to hate anything, and how beneficial it is to turn my words around to say I LOVE, and to find things to love instead.

I Love today because it is a brand new opportunity to do Good

to someone.

How many people can I smile at today?

Can I make someone’s day today?

Who can I bless today?

What SERVICE can I provide humanity today,

that people will pay me for?

How much VALUE can I offer the world?

We only get one life, one chance;  How upsetting to spend it hating our job, our days, our environment, and then die.  How sad.

To hate 351 days each year, and live only for the 2 week holiday in the summer.  Do this for 100 years.

Surely I was made for a reason.

There must be something I absolutely Love doing,

that I can become a MASTER at,

so that people will shower me with money and gifts in appreciation.

The world needs people who do what they Love,

and have become experts at it.

Then we can all go to sleep early on a Sunday night, in excitement and anticipation because tomorrow is Monday, and we can’t wait!

The Language of the Universe

Yes, I am finally learning the language of the universe.

How to converse with it, and how it speaks to me.

Here are just some:

Peace

Stillness

Patience

Harmony

Gratitude
Releasing
Forgiveness

Acceptance

Responsibility

Cause and Effect

Where do I start with all these wonderful words?

Perhaps my first lesson, is to simply be still.

Be still and know.

Be still and feel.

Be still and sense.

Be still and listen.

We rush around, ever faster vehicles, images on telly flashing at us.

A wise man once told me: “People never stop and think”.

Terry Pratchett described trees as reeeeeealy slow, watching us run around, build things, destroy them, while they sit in one spot for hundreds of years.

Funny how simply doing nothing is so difficult. Just for a few minutes each day, to take time out, and just breath.

Patience is another gift from nature. To sow a seed, and then have to wait for it’s emergence. To sow an idea, then have to wait for others to grasp it too. There is a Right Time for harvest.

This is encouraging.

Gratitude is Massive.  The first few steps I take when I get out of bed, are to the sound of: “thank-you, thank-you, thank-you”.

To LOVE things like my health, my home, the silence, my meal, even saying Thank-You to the spiders in my bathroom who get rid of the flies for me.

Of course there are many more, it’s personal for each person.

My interpretation of the very first opening paragraph of the Bible,

is:  God was forming, in his mind, an image of the world he was about to create.  He meditated, his spirit brooded over the waters, incubating, visualising.  We are not told how long this preparation period was, possibly millions of our years.

Finally, at the right time, he SPOKE it into being: “Let there be.…”.

I can say “Let There Be” in my life too. I am a creator too.

Now THAT’s inspiring!

Out With The Old

One of my greatest daily moments, is Standing Facing The Wind.

It ushers in the new, and gets rid of the old.

I always FACE the new stuff.  It makes me feel strong and alive.

Turning my back on the fresh new input always makes me feel

like a coward.

I embrace the new, whatever it brings with it.  Sure I learn from

the past, but I won't dwell on it and certainly refuse to be trapped, limited or hindered by it.

I face forward, confident that I am Big enough Inside by now, to deal with anything thrown at me.

And I expect to draw and attract Good Things into my life.

Every footstep I take, I leave behind the old, and take a step of faith into the new. I don’t shuffle into my future with my head down;  I look into every day with faith and hope, with my back straight, my head tall, my chin up and my chest out.

Every note I play, I greet it, I appreciate it, I love it, I milk as much as I can out of the moment, but then I always  move on with excitement and anticipation to the next note or phrase, vowing to do the best I can in that situation as well as in the last.

Every corner I walk around in the street, I prepare myself to leave behind the old me, take a deep breath, say goodbye to my past, then turn the corner, and a whole new life blossoms out before me!

Every time I dive into the water, it’s a new experience, new muscles being pulled in different directions, new depths reached, blood pounding in my ears as I look up to the new life above me. I burst forth and yell to the world I’m here! I am reborn. I am rediscovered.

Finally, every breath I take is:  In with the new, out with the old.

I breath in Peace, and I breath out Stress.

I breath in Life, and I breath out Gratitude.

I breath in pain, and I breath out Love.

I breath in bad news, and I breath out Forgiveness.

What an exciting, stimulating, blessed life we all live.

Marriage 2

Why do we marry?

Do we marry, because we are reaching 30,
and feel embarrassed about being single?

Do we marry because it’s the ‘done thing’ socially?

Are we pushed into marriage by our families, parents and friends?

How can we possibly make the right decision

when in this pressured frame of mind?

Do we rush into marriage because we are desperate?

Ladies ask: “Will this man be a good father for my children? No…., but I’m desperate, so I’ll take the risk. Maybe I can change him”.

Oh my goodness, how risky is this attitude!

Men ask: “Do I really like this person? Could I really live with this person? Perhaps I can cope with the personality if I can get sex”.

Another dangerous attitude!

What if your partner doesn’t like being physical  with you.

We marry someone because they are the life and soul of the party, then find they are grumpy at home.

We marry someone because we feel sorry for them, and want to look after them and heal them. Then we find they get healed and don’t need us anymore, and our paths separate.

We marry someone because we have a romantic ideal of walking hand in hand along the waters edge, only to find our partner hates the sea, burns in the sun and can’t stand sand.

Men marry a girl because of her lovely long hair,

only to find she cuts it off after the wedding.

Ladies marry a fit muscular man,
only to find he grows a belly after the wedding.

It’s dangerous to marry someone because of what WE WANT,

or what we can get out of this.

Surely, we should align ourselves with someone  for who THEY ARE.

We should ADD to them, and they should ADD to us.

We should release them, and they should release us.

We should accept them as they are, and not try to change them.

I read a book once called "Love is a choice". Sure, it may start off as infatuation in our 20's, but that's natures way of giving us chance to get to know someone, so we learn to love them for who they REALLY are, inside.

As we hit our 50's, and our appearance changes,
who we are as a Person is more valuable and significant,
than our appearance outside  (though a healthy self-love will prompt us to stay as healthy as we can).
Let's see through the external, and look deep inside a person.
Only then can we truly know them

Marriage 1

Why do we marry?

Why would one human join themselves with another human?

“To reproduce”, is not an adequate answer.

Why would two people select each other, and align themselves with each other, to the exclusion of all other people?

Is it due to a natural instinct, to love? But shouldn’t we love and care for everyone in our community?

Or is it a learned custom?  A habit we have got into? Perhaps an inherited tradition, passed down through our western culture?

Is marriage a purely Christian/Judaism teaching, that the entire western world/northern hemisphere have adopted?

What do other nations and cultures do?

How did the Native Americans view this subject?

The Inuit?  The Indigenous Australian?

The South American Tribes?

The Chinese?   Africa?   India?

I read that many cultures live together, in large communities

and families,  sharing, supporting, babysitting, hunting,

the old advising the young, the skilled teaching the newbie.

Sounds ideal,

but then there is the issue of no privacy or personal space,

maybe jealousy and possibly personality clashes.

At the other extreme, it seems unusual to me, that our custom in the west/north, is to marry ourselves to another person, then run away and cut ourselves off from all community, contacts, family and friends, and try and flesh out this whole relationship thing alone, suffer alone,  eventually divorcing alone.

No support, no encouragement, no advice, no good example.

I hear a statistic branded around, that nearly one half of marriages end in divorce. Yet people still spend thousands on weddings, celebrating a union for days, knowing the odds that it might end

a few years later.  Yes, I too thought, this will never happen to me.

Divorce and Marriage – what if we abolished them both?

Some nations (Scandinavia) have begun to phase out the wedding ceremony, and are simply moving into, and out of, each others lives. There is no divorce or rejection, because nobody gets married in the first place.  No stigma attached.

Is this better?  Are couples freer?  Are children happier?

I can see this is a massive subject that deserves deeper attention and study before any judgments or decisions can be made.

At least I’m being open minded,  and entertaining differing viewpoints. What I find unbearable, is the mindset of people who are deliberately fixed in tradition, and who refuse to take a fresh look at

the way we do things and, more importantly, the reason we do them.

“This is the way we’ve always done it”, people admonish me,

“just accept it Serge and stop questioning”.

These are the types of people I have distanced myself from;

they are not good for me.

Ships Passing

Ever wondered why people drift into our lives
and then straight back out again?
Ever wondered why we used to see so much of a person,
but now our paths never cross any more?
Begs the question: Are people in our lives for a reason?
Is there a higher purpose to our interactions with people?
One thing I always bare in mind is: "What can I learn from this person?".

I like to learn from everyone and everything:
From older people, to very young children, to nature, geology, weather, animals, a view, all sorts.
When I’m with any other human being, whatever age, I listen very carefully to them and study them intently, because I believe the reason our paths have crossed, is for us to benefit from each other.
I place huge respect, and a high value, on any person I am with, because they might be the missing piece of a puzzle in my life.  I always assume I may need what's in them, to move forward in my own life.

Let’s presume I had a need or missing piece in me, and a certain person fulfilled this for a time. But now I don’t have that missing piece any longer, so the person vanishes – isn’t needed any more.
I have out-grown them.
I don’t need them any more.
They have nothing to offer me any more.
They are not necessary any more.
There is no requirement for them in my life,
So I thank them, and let them go....

Now this certainly throws a brighter and healthier light
on why people leave us doesn’t it?  What we used to call “Rejection” or ‘being dumped’ or Divorce, we can now simply re-label as: “Thanks for the lesson, you have outgrown your usefulness, and I have no need of you in my life anymore”. This is Wonderful!

So Freeing!

This subject becomes interesting when it comes to a long term relationship like marriage.
Did we marry them because they had a need?
Did we marry them because we had a need?
What happens, when their need is met?
What happens when our need is met?
Do our paths separate?
Interesting questions for a future blog.

Embrace The Lesson

Ever wondered why you seem to bump into
the same kind of people all the time?
Ever wondered why you find yourself confronted with the same situations all the time?
Ever wondered why the same problems seem to re-occur
in your life?

Each time I encounter a problem or difficulty or interesting development or taxing circumstance or challenging situation, I always ask myself the questions:
“What can I learn from this?”
“How am I reacting in this?”
“How can I milk this situation,
so that I gain maximum benefit from it?”
And afterwards:
“What did I learn from this?”
“Am I proud of my response?”

But when I notice the same thing happens a second time, I ask myself: “What didn’t I learn last time”?
Interesting that this is happening again!
I then become really keen to extract any lessons I can,
to prevent this type of thing happening again.

I read somewhere, If you make a mistake a second time, it’s a choice. I guess if a person has to go through the same situation many times, perhaps all they need to do is learn one little lesson, make a simple adjustment, master a small interaction, and this will break the cycle so it never happens again. Or is far less likely to happen again.

This applies to the Parent/Child cycle. We don’t learn from our upbringing, so we treat our children the same as we were treated, so they grow up just like us, and the cycle repeats itself and spirals downwards.
I want my life and family tree to spiral upwards, so we learn and benefit from our past.

Taking this on a large scale, perhaps life is like this. Some people believe we keep coming back and reliving our life, hopefully each time bettering ourselves, elevating ourselves, enlightening ourselves, until one lifetime, we finally crack it, and never have to go through this again.
Interesting thought, worth considering.
Prompts me to pursue personal development with a passion!

Resist The Put Down

The other day, my friend sent a text to my land line

asking for my mobile number.

Fair enough, you say,  but the request baffled me,  as we had already had a half hour conversation and exchanged several texts earlier that day, on our mobile phones.

I composed several messages in reply, but deleted each one, as they were all either condescending, or rude, or designed to put down my friend in some subtle way.

Eventually, I overcame myself,  and simply sent a text answering the question, and got a friendly Thank You in reply.  Simple.  Our friendship is stronger than ever and I have learnt something about myself. Which I am now sharing with you, to hopefully inspire, benefit and encourage you.

Why do we feel the need to lift ourselves up, by putting someone down?  My own friend, for crying out loud!  Fortunately, I resisted it.
My thinking was, rather than me showing my superiority, and loosing my friend in the process, I decided I would rather swallow my pride, hold back my haughty words, and choose to Love and Accept instead.
To extend Grace, rather than judgement.

After all, that’s how I would want to be treated.

I conquered myself, which is always the first and most difficult step.

What is this ugly, inner tendency, to make the other person appear a fool?  To say something sarcastic in public, to roll our eyes,  to  Tut  loudly, to look at others in the room for back up. It makes the other person cringe inside.  And when it was done to me, and the whole room laughed at me, I felt like running away and crying.  I’ve seen it all, and done it all. It’s horrible, I decide to never do it to another human being ever again.

A good measure, is to say to myself:

“How would I feel, if somebody spoke to me in this way”?

That will prompt me to Resist The Put Down,

and say something nice instead.

Big Hearts

Yesterday, I met someone with a Big Heart.
Interesting how Big Hearted people always seem to cross
my path.
Having a Big Heart is a gift, a talent, a higher ability,
that enables you to CARE.
To sense a need and feel compelled to meet it - that’s us.
Us Big Hearters are Special People, Mothers, Fathers, Carers - the world needs us.
Sadly, most people with Big Hearts don’t know what to do with their special ability.
They gravitate into the Caring professions: nursing, teaching, social work, prisons, special needs, homes, elderly etc.
Like musicians, who are tempted to practice their art for free and for the love of it, Big Hearted people also end up being abused by the very system they have aligned themselves to, doing too much, neglecting themselves, working long hours, for little pay, no recognition, no praise.
Taken for granted, working weekends, buying their own supplies.
They find themselves swamped by paperwork instead of doing what they really love and are naturally good at.
No wonder so many teachers suffer with stress, so many nurses get run down, exhausted.
The hardest thing for us Big Hearts, is protecting our heart.
My heart is my most precious commodity. To have enough self respect to NOT give my heart to just anyone.
To see a need, observe pain, and not meet it, is heartbreaking, but sometimes necessary, to protect ourselves.
The luckiest of us are those who get paid to care for people. Now that’s a wonderful combination, to do what you love and are naturally gifted at, and be paid for it!
Let’s have some respect shall we, for the Big Hearted people who care in this world, and who care for this world.

I Live In Heaven 2

Let me take you on another fascinating journey:  An Appreciation of the Real.

No not using TV with it’s high volume, fast moving images and flashes of colour.

Let me take you to a heavenly corner of my little garden.

A perfect corner, in-between the bins and the paint pots (I choose not to focus on those), where no one from the road can see me, and no neighbours windows can over-look me.  Complete privacy, completely beautiful, completely natural.

This spot catches the sun for the first half of every day.

At this precious corner a universe emerges, if you sit and admire it for long enough.

From this corner, this solace, this haven, this perfect spot, I can see things that most people in their fast, loud, impatient, noisy lives, cannot see.

Nature has that effect on me – the longer I sit and admire it, the more peaceful I get and the more I see. And the more beautiful it becomes.

Lets start with the colours.

First a band of green grass stretching from my feet to the roots of the trees.

Then a band of brown, the roots of the leylandii.  Brown is so real, I love it.

Then the green life of the trees, and finally, above it all, the freeing blue of the Sky.

(More on the significance of colours tomorrow).

Each gust of wind makes this view all the more breathtaking. Every stalk, every flower, every petal, every branch waves joyfully at me. Sometimes the entire tree bends and sways, reminding me that to bend temporarily with life’s pressures is better than to stay inflexible and be broken.

But the real appeal of this place, is the wildlife. The birds chatter and sing and swoosh around – it’s like a musical symphony in 3D stereo. Somebody tweets on a telegraph pole, and an answering tweet can be heard on the roof  above my head. A cooing on the right of the hedge is responded to by a cooing on the left side. A bird emerges with bedding for it’s nest. Another doesn’t care what anyone thinks of it, it just stands on the topmost branch and sings its little heart out.  Gorgeous.

As I sit there and blend in, the animals begin to accept me. Birds pick at worms just a foot away, others will fly past my head.  I watch startled as a bird dives headfirst into the hedge, and then shoots out of the top of it. Was it the same bird? Did it scare off another? I’ll never know.  Two birds will have a fight on the telegraph pole, or is it a dance? Again I will never know.  One big bird sits on a branch, and another one comes and pushes him out the way; how rude.  Somebody lands on the bin, and investigates me with one eye. I say Hi quietly.  Suddenly they are all gone, and I notice a cat appearing to my left. He stops mid-lawn, sees me and freezes.  I nod, giving him permission to pass through my property, but not to poo, so he saunters off.

Sitting here reminds me of the true Hunter, who works with nature purely to feed. When a true Hunter enters a forest/jungle etc, he will greet the trees, the animals, nature in general, with honour and respect. A mutual understanding exists. He works in harmony with nature to feed his family. He blends into the background, and waits quietly just like me, for the forest to give him an offering. When it does, he is grateful, takes his meal and leaves peacefully, with appreciation.

Once, while I was reading there, a pheasant strolled past. No idea where it was going, it eventually vanished amongst the roots. I nearly laughed at it.

Sometimes I look up, mesmerised by the clouds. I try and gauge the speed of the wind by watching the clouds race across the sky, playing with the sun, sometimes covering it up, then releasing it again.

This so much better than the telly! So relaxing, so healing, so Real.

I truly live in a Corner of Heaven.

If you just give nature a chance, you can observe so much going on. Try it, return to the simple things in life and enjoy just BEING.  I find it brings a wholeness to my soul.

I Live In Heaven 1

I looked out of my kitchen window this morning, and saw a carpet of long, green grass, waving happily at me.

Do I focus on how much it needs cutting?

No. I simply smiled at it, and waved back.

Then I noticed how much colour was in my grass – small blue, yellow and white flowers, who’s sole purpose was to sit in my garden and make me smile.

So I smiled some more.

Looking up, I noticed the two dead tree stumps, which I had lovingly sculptured to look like open hands. The brown of the trees stood out tall, handsome and proud against the green, blue, white and yellow backdrop.

I loved the whole scene, and my smile grew wider.

Slightly to the right, is the boundary with my neighbour, a beautiful wall of every Green imaginable! From dark holly leaves with white outline, through emerald greens, onto a light green hedge and even some yellow Leylandii.

What a gorgeous sight! I was overwhelmed by Pride.

Now I couldn’t stop grinning if I tried.

Looking higher, I saw the brown fence at the end of my property.

Do I focus on how much it needs repainting?

No. Instead, I see it as a perfect frame to showcase my garden. So many shades of browns and greens, so much beauty. “Oh yes” I said, and laughed with complete respect for nature and all it’s glory.

Finally, I looked up and just above my fence was the deep, blue, cloudless sky.

I nearly collapsed with awe.

Struck with such grandeur, the big, blue sky reached down and wrapped it’s hands around me and my little garden, enveloping me in peace and satisfaction.

I nearly cried with joy.

Truly, I live in a corner of Heaven.

People pay thousands to go caravanning to a different location, even a different country, where they will sit and look at a view just like this. And I have it all here, just outside my kitchen window. I can reach out and touch a piece of heaven.

It is Art in it’s purest form, undefiled by people, nature doing what it does best, just sitting there and looking amazing, and our job as humans is to simply enjoy it, to take 10 mins out of our busy day and slow down to it’s level.

When I blink, it is still there.

I am an Artist. I am allowed to see things this way, to think these thoughts, to talk like this.

Join me in noticing and celebrating the simple things in life.

The Hand Dealt To Me

Have you heard the expression: “Multiple Income Streams”?

To most people on the street, it’s an alien concept – you get up every morning and go ‘To Work’ for someone  don’t you, like everyone else in the world, yes?

You work for someone who is providing a Service to the World, and people pay for this service. They pay so much, and the business has grown to such an extent, that your employer can afford to pay you, to help them run their business.

This arrangement goes well, while your employer receives more money than they spend. The problems start when this balance starts to tip the other way.

Then, some employers will start to explore new ways of making money, others will start cutting back on their expenditure. If it gets so bad, they will eventually dismiss their employees (you) and go back to running their business themselves.

This is terrible, because you are completely dependent on one employer, one salary one income stream. This makes you very vulnerable, very dependent.

So, why don’t YOU provide a special service that people want, and will pay for?

We are very fortunate to be living in a country that allows us to have an idea, implement it, and receive payment for doing so. In Eastern countries, this is not so.

So, let’s Capitalise on this wonderful opportunity, and go out there and make some money!

But what shall we do? What service shall we provide to our fellow humans?

The answer to that is: “What am I naturally Good at”. What hand have I been dealt?

I am opposed to education for educations sake. I loathe the idea of studying subjects that are completely unrelated to my life, and that I will never use again, just for a piece of paper called a Qualification.

I will fight for the right to study a subject that I already Love, am already naturally gifted in.

Let’s look at the Hand Dealt To Us, shall we? What am I naturally gifted in? What do I love doing so much, that I will stay up until midnight doing? THAT’S the service you should be providing to the world. That’s the subject you should be studying, something that will be Useful and beneficial to your life.

Am I a carer?

Am I hospitable?

Can I write a book?

Am I good at organising events?

Am I gifted at explaining things?

Do I have a knack at something that other people declare: Wow!

I have had such an idea. I have implemented that idea. I provide a service that people want. And I get paid for providing that service. This is my ‘work’, and I am my own employer. I get up in the morning according to MY diary. I book my own appointments. I go to Work according to my own timetable.

Today, I had yet another such idea. Of course, I implemented it immediately. It is another service I will gladly provide to the world. And I will again be paid for this. Who pays me? An employer?  No, the very people I serve. Now I have multiple income streams; I am no longer dependent on one job or one person.

By the way, did you know that JOB stands for Just Over Broke?

The World is missing us, it needs us to rise up and be revealed. Let’s make a stand, make a difference. Let’s not be sheep or employees. Let’s provide a service that is valued. Let’s do what we were MADE to do, what we are Naturally Good at.

Can't Talk Right Now

It occurred to me today how sensitive, cautious, wary, careful, perceptive, we have to be when approaching another human being.

For any reason, work, street, shop, a friend.

Approaching another person, stepping into their life however briefly, is like stepping into another world, a delicate eco-system, like a coral reef, which has it’s own weather system and micro-climate.

We have no idea, what kind of day this person is having, what they’ve been through, what they are thinking, how they feel, how close to the edge they are. We just march in with our request  regardless.  Bam. Straight in with me me me, I was thinking this, I want you to do that etc. Without a second thought as to the state of the person we are talking to.

I remember getting into work at 7am to fix a problem. I worked hard on this solution, and had two hours to formulate my plan, marshal my thoughts, prepare my approach. At 9am, my colleague walks in, and I’m ready to pounce, itching to get started. Before they have a chance to take their coat off, I’m straight IN there, hitting them with a barrage of work stuff.

The person bursts into tears, and runs off to the loo.

If they had slapped me, or sworn at me, I would have deserved it, insensitive as I was.

If I am driving past a friends area, and I knock on their door on impulse – uninvited, unannounced, surprise! Do I expect to simply march in? Of course not!  How can I possibly know what’s happening in their world. My very first question is:  “Is This Convenient?”.  And be prepared to walk away if they say no.

I’ve got to the stage now, where I will park round the corner and ring or text, rather than just march up their drive and land on them. Then I am guaranteed a welcome.

Telephoning is a good example of invading someone’s world.

A friend of mine has been thinking about me all day, been meaning to call me for weeks. They finally get time, they make a drink, sit down comfy with their phone and a biscuit, and dial my number. What were they expecting? A relaxed chat?  How can they possibly know where I am when I get their call? What I am doing, who I am with, what pressures I am enduring?

I really  want  to talk with them, have been waiting for their call for ages, but I am surrounded by people and in the middle of setting up a room for an event. What shall I do? I try and talk to them hurriedly WHILE rushing around. Panting, struggling, out of breath. Eventually I say a distracted Bye, put the phone away and get back to my event.

They put their phone down, look at it and their half empty cup in silence, and feel deflated. They feel unappreciated by me. They feel unheard.  Like I was trying to get rid of them. Fine, if Serge wants to treat me like that. But the simple truth is, they phoned at an inconvenient time, and caught me off guard.

Their world was quiet and relaxed; My world was a whirlwind.

Yes, phoning is infinitely better than just turning up, but phoning is still an invasion into someone’s life.

Don’t even get me started on texting – texting is NOT a conversation, it is NOT interactive. Texting is the lowest form of communication, and the most easily misunderstood. It’s like sending a letter in the post; you have to wait for a reply before sending another one.

In general, I determine to be sensitive, delicate and caring, each time I approach anyone.

For the Joy set before me

Every Friday, a mobile fish and chip van drives round my village, and stops just outside my house.

When I’m in and I catch it, I like to see it as my way of treating myself,

but last night I pinched my growing ‘love’ handles, and decided not to partake.

At 6pm, the stress started to build as I heard it doing it’s rounds.

It’s amazing how stressful breaking a simple pattern can be isn’t it.

At 7pm, to help combat the craving, I had a healthy meal of cold pasta, tomatoes, red peppers, nuts.

Telling myself I was ‘full’ now, I tried not to dwell on the thought of delicious chips with salt and vinegar covered in curry sauce….

By 8pm, the van was getting closer, and I doubted I could stick to my resolve.

When it finally came round at 9.30, I fought the urge to run outside; it was really hard.

I stroked my protruding gut, and reminded myself I'd had tea already.

Yes!  The van has gone!  I’ve managed it!  So proud of myself.

Golly, that was traumatic.

Is this the kind of pressure Ladies feel, each time the chocolates, cakes, biscuits are passed round?

In the morning, I looked at my flat (ish)  belly in the mirror, and REJOICED that I’d stuck to my guns last night. The pain, stress and trauma were worth it, because today I am fitter and healthier and more proud of myself that I was yesterday.  Well done Serge, proud of you lad.

This experience made me think of all the other times in life, when I say yes to something now, knowing I’ll regret it tomorrow or later. Why do we do it? Why do we focus on the short term, at the expense of the future?

I remembered my Party Days, when it seemed so convenient and naughty and tempting to stay with her all night, but at that crucial point, when the line was drawn (do you want to come up), I said Nite, and left. Waking up in my own bed the next morning, stretching luxuriously in delight, loving the feelings of Relief and the Self-Respect that flooded over me.

I promise to remind myself next time, to fix my thoughts on the Joy, Pride and Satisfaction I WILL  feel when I do something Good.

Don't Write Me Off

Today, I was struck by how long Life is,

and how many chances we get, to get things Right.

Lets assume:

Each Night is a Death, and

Each Morning is a Fresh Start.

So, if there are 365 days in each year

and we live for 100 years,

that’s 36,500 Fresh Starts!  That’s awesome!

I get 36,500 chances to get things Right,  to start again,  to try again,  to re-think my position,  to set new goals,  to amend my direction,  to re-invent myself,  to monitor my progress,  to tweak my plans.

How encouraging!

I used to know a couple, who appeared to me, to be in a rut. God forgive me, who was I to judge? But there you go, to my shame, I put this couple up in my imaginary court, set myself up as judge, and condemned them as loosers, no-hopers, dead-enders. Both had put on weight and were out of shape, wearing unfashionable clothes, he ate pies all day, grew a beard, did a job he presumably didn’t enjoy. In my stinky judgmental state, I lost respect for them, and lost contact too.

Years later, I come across the same couple, completely different story.  Both fit and healthy, cheerful and positive, young looking, cycling every day, leaders in their field, excellent parents, involved in the community, fun to be with, people I could look up to and respect, doing far better than me.

What a difference, and how absolutely wrong of me to have branded them and Written Them Off, all those years ago.

We all have a chance to re-train, to take stock. 36,500 such chances available to us, should we take them. To Write Someone Off at ANY stage in their lives, is so so so wrong. How many people re-invent themselves after retirement? After a traumatic experience. Don’t you DARE write me off, even when I hit 99 years old, I still have 365 chances left to change, improve, make a stand, heal my world.

Perhaps that’s why a Love relationship (call it marriage or covenant or whatever) was designed to be long term - So we can give each other 36,500 opportunities.

The person you fall asleep with tonight may wake up tomorrow….different, transformed, with a Light Bulb Moment, a flash of inspiration, and re-invent themselves.

Let's NEVER write each other off please.

Thanks.  Wonderful.

Withdraw Permission

Yesterday, I was at a Sales training workshop.

The presenter was one of the most powerful ladies I have ever met, full of confidence, excellent at her job, in complete control of her surroundings, you know, the stuff super heroes are made of.

During the break, I dared to ask her a question,  and in just one sentence, she reduced me to a naughty boy who’s said something stupid,  and dismissed me, sent me away with my tail between my legs.

Except…….... I didn’t let it happen like that.

I turned back immediately, and continued a friendly, adult conversation. I didn’t give her permission to treat me like that.  I won’t allow anyone to ever again, treat me like that.

I didn’t lessen her power, or affect her in any way, I just modified my reaction, and by doing so, reduced her hold over me.  I withdrew permission and took back my own power.

This experience reminded me of many other people in my past, to whom I have withdrawn permission. Church leaders, bosses and other such bullies.

Since 2006, I have been able to CHOOSE how I respond to people.

Notice I didn’t say I could control other people – I can’t.  However, a change in me  means I attract bullies less. Notice also, that I said I had a choice – doesn’t mean I get it right all the time; Sometimes I catch myself just agreeing or towing the line.  But at least now the power is mine, should I choose to use it.

For example, one freeing moment  was when I suddenly realised  I could walk away.

I don’t have to sit there and take the beating anymore. I have legs, they work, nothing is stopping me simply getting up, excusing myself,  and leaving an uncomfortable meeting, or exiting a room, or simply walking away from an oppressive situation.

I have a choice.

For me, this was a personal power I had never experienced before – it was so freeing!

People only have power over us, as long as we give them permission.

Situations only have power over us, as long as we give them permission or weight.

If a situation or a person always makes me react in a certain way, then I withdraw permission, I refuse it access, I pull it’s teeth, I rename it, I call it something else.

I am in control of me and my responses.  Nothing and nobody makes me do anything.

If we say we are   not   in control of ourselves, then who is?  The weather?  Our dead parents?  Our work colleagues?  Do we say he/she made me?  Why do we give them so much power over us?  Makes us weak and unstable and tossed to and fro like a wave in the sea.

The situation or person has now lost it’s/their hold over me. I am free.

Remember the little boy who is bullied in school,  who learns self defence, and gradually starts giving off an aura of quiet confidence.  He may never need to use his newfound power, it just emanates out of him. It’s an inner strength (Big Inside), that people just pick up subconsciously.  He notices after a few months, that he has more friends, and nobody is bullying him any more.

And his heart sings…..

Health Is A Lifestyle 2

People tend to ignore their Health and Well Being

and focus on earning money,

UNTIL they have health problems.

Then they realise

their priorities were wrong,

and they spend all their money

to fix their health.

A Healthy Lifestyle cannot really be encapsulated in just a few phrases:

Diet,  Sleep,  Attitude,  Exercise.

There are other categories:

Body

Soul

Spirit

Where do these fit in to health?

For example, do we ever consider how to look after our skin?

How useful is Vitamin D from the sun for our skin (and bones)?

What naturally occurring oils can we use to keep our skin hydrated and looking good?

Is swimming in the sea therapeutic for our skin?

Does being wind-swept on a mountain walk, help  clean  our skin? It does mine.

How about our soul? A bit nebulous, I agree, but I believe our soul is what responds to Art, to music, a beautiful view, the smell of flowers, the sound of birds singing, a kind word, a melting smile, the purring of a cat or when a dog is overjoyed to see us. All these things bring healing to our soul and therefore health into our lives.

How about physical contact? Cuddling, stroking, touching, kissing. I’m convinced these things are vital to our overall health. This is difficult for those of us who have no physical contact with another human being. I don’t have an answer to this sorry.

For the spirit, there can be no doubt that an ‘Attitude of Gratitude’ is very healthy.

To reflect on the Good things around us, rather than the bad.  To count our blessings.  To maintain our peace.  To make time to sit quietly in the midst of a busy lifestyle.  To humble ourselves before God and nature.

How about laughter? How healing is that?  Very!

How healthy is a Positive Outlook on life?  It is vital.

What about Love? Does Love contribute to a healthy lifestyle?  I’m sure it does.

And finally, I can’t resist one last mention about food again.

It’s 10pm, I ate at 6, and I’m peckish.

Now, eating so late is forbidden by many Health Gurus, but I’m feeling rebellious, so I meander over to the kitchen. What’s in the fridge – radish, cucumber, carrot, celery, grapes – a feast!

A healthy lifestyle means I don’t even  buy  cakes, biscuits, sweets, crisps, etc.

I don’t even have the stuff in my home – it is like injecting poison directly into my bloodstream.

I instinctively walk by these isles in supermarkets.

Join me, in an all-round Healthy Living Lifestyle, and together we will contribute to the world being a better place.

Don't Dwell On The Bad Stuff

People keep asking me how I manage to look 10 years younger than I am.

I begin by telling them about my passion for ‘Health As A Lifestyle’, as we discussed yesterday, but today I’d like to attribute my lack of creases and wrinkles, to my Mindset.

I don’t dwell on the bad stuff.

Bad stuff happens to all of us. Some more than others. The secret  is to know what to do with those experiences AFTERWARDS.

Do we revive them?

Do we relive them?

Do we re-enact them in our minds?

Do we put ourselves back in the same situation in our minds, feeling the same emotions, smelling the same odours, hearing the same voices, seeing the same people, experiencing the same tension and stress, the familiar fear, anger or panic rising, spiralling downwards into depression or despair again.

My response to this is: STOP IT!

Think about something else.

Gracious me, to re-play a bad situation in our minds  over and over again  is a very harmful thing to do!  It happened once, it was awful, leave it in the past.

I can’t alter the past, but I can certainly change my now.

The reason it’s called the past, is because it is now PAST!  It’s over, it’s gone. I let it go. I refuse to drag it up, and think about it again and again, causing myself endless pain and damage for years to come.

I used to catch myself doing this, re-enacting an event, wishing I could go back and say this or do that. My fingers would tighten on the steering wheel, my breathing got faster and I noticed that familiar sinking feeling, so I snapped out of my reverie immediately. To start with, it took me an entire car journey before I realised what was happening, and I had to work hard to pull myself up. But after years of practice, I am delighted to say  I can now catch it as soon as it happens, and arrest it immediately.

I read somewhere that human beings are the only creature on the planet that never forgive themselves. We keep punishing ourselves continually, for things we did years ago.  This really is unnecessary chaps.  It ages us, gives us wrinkles, makes us ill, keeps us bitter and twisted, and robs us of our NOW.  We spend too much time looking backwards; it’s gone, it’s over, it’s finished, it’s PAST.

Remember, time does NOT heal. I know people who closed up when they were children, and refuse to face the real world for the rest of their lives. They have trapped themselves forever. No, Healing comes from a deliberate choice and effort to let things go, and a determination to learn from the past, then leave it behind, stop thinking about it all the time, revel in the NOW, enjoy the Present,  and forge full-speed ahead to our FUTURE!

Awesome.

Health Is A Lifestyle 1

I am passionate about Health, both inner and outer.

People keep talking about Weight Loss, when really they should be focusing on Overall Health.

I’m not interested in how much someone weighs or how much fat they are carrying.

I am interested in their HEALTH.

Health is a biiiiig word, it encompasses so much.

 -  Health is right Sleep

 -  Health is right Eating (or Diet)

 -  Health is right Exercise

 -  Health is right Mindset.

We all know instinctively that we should go to bed early and get up early. We know deep down, that sleep revitalises us, heals our brains, makes us grow.

So why do we persist in going to bed late and getting up late?

We all know instinctively that fruit and veg are very good for us,

and cream cakes, biscuits, sweets, fizzy drinks, sugars, etc are very bad for us.

We all know, deep down, that we should have a balanced diet, and that everything we eat goes straight into our blood stream and makes us what we are.

So why do we ignore that common sense voice inside of us, and continue to shove down the chocolate and the fast/junk/processed foods?

We all know instinctively that we need to,  at least,  have a walk every day,  ideally get our heart rate up, several times every week.

Yet we sit at our desks all day, and sit in front of the telly all night.

Finally, we all instinctively know (Well, you do now) about our Mind,

how un-forgiveness, stress, anxiety, bitterness, plotting revenge, gossiping, anger, these things eat away at us inside, lowering our immune system, making us susceptible to colds, giving us asthma and eczema, in extreme cases causing ulcers, tumours and even cancer.

So why do we insist on watching soaps, the news and other aggressive programmes, listening to violent music, arguing and shouting with our family members and generally harbouring unpleasant thoughts.

Like Obi-Wan said in the first Star Wars film: “You and the Naboo form a symbiont circle. What happens to one of you will affect the other. You must understand this.”

Our Health is exactly like this, each part of the system is inter-dependent.

Some people place their entire focus on Diet, but don’t exercise, then wonder why their muscles are all saggy and their back hurts.

Other people pay hundreds per year on gym membership, but eat junk, and wonder why they are not achieving their desired shape.

Many of us neglect the sleep element,  and almost all of us don’t appreciate how important the Mind is.

When the Mind is not at peace, the body suffers.

When the Mind is not allowed to ease itself, the body suffers dis-ease.

When the Mind is fixed on positive, pleasant, uplifting thoughts, we will find our body gradually relax and heal naturally, of it’s own accord.

More on this tomorrow.

The Need To Know

Yesterday, I was a guest on a radio show, and somebody looked at me in a ‘funny way’.
I went away dejected, plagued by that face, wondering what it meant. What a waste of my energy!
Perhaps they were just sitting badly? Perhaps I had just interrupted their conversation? Perhaps they needed to go to the loo? Perhaps they were tired?  Perhaps it was just the way their face hung?
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.

I could pontificate for ever, but what good will it do me? None whatsoever. I will loose my peace, and it will tie me up in knots.

So I let it go.

Why do I have this desperate desire to KNOW why somebody else did this or said that? What has it got to do with me anyway? Why do I feel this pain? Is it self inflicted? In this case, I believe so, yes.

I read something on facebook the other day, about when relationships break down, and somebody dumps us, and offers no reason or explanation. And we have to know WHY.

-  Some of us are plagued by the injustice,

-  Some of us are overwhelmed by hurt, pain and revenge, and

-  Some of us obsess over what we did wrong and how we can improve next time.

None of these responses are helpful or productive to us.

This idea of: “I release myself from the need to know”, is something I am working on. I am beginning to realise that other people live in their own bubble or universe (see yesterdays blog), and have their own inner problems and challenges, and it may actually be less to do with me than I thought, and more to do with them.

Somebody runs their home in a certain way, we need to know why.
Somebody dresses in a certain way, we have to know why.
Somebody drives and parks in a certain way, we want to know why.
Why did they say that?

Why did they do that?

Why did they choose that option?
What were they thinking?

Tell me tell me!
These questions run like a scratched record continually in our minds, giving us no rest.

But I ask you:  WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Their decisions are their own. Their words are their own. Their actions are their own.
They are responsible for their own life, you are responsible for yours. Let it go!
Free yourself.  Stop asking the questions.
Determine they are not important or relevant.

Don't Take Anything Personally

We all walk around in our own bubble.

Our own personal universe, a set of events and circumstances unique only to ourselves.

Our perception of the world and other human beings, is conditioned, clouded, obscured, perhaps even enhanced, by our bubble.

Light and sound

from situations and people outside of us,

have to travel through our bubble construct,

before they get to our eyes and ears.

So, now we realise, that our view of the outside world is not necessarily True;  it is conditioned by our own personal history and inner environment.

We interpret events and their meaning, in terms of what has happened to us and in us.

If we are in pain, we view the world with less tolerance.

If we are in Joy, things just bounce straight off us.

If we are under stress or depression, we see darkness and hostility in everything.

If we are operating out of peace and security, we receive outside events in a much more philosophical way.

It becomes obvious then, that is has nothing to do with what’s coming in, but EVERYTHING TO DO with our own personal state, and how we receive things.

When we meet another human being, it is important to remember that THEY TOO are living in their own personal bubble, and everything that comes out of them is based on their own universe. Nothing to do with us at all.

If they are having a bad day, they see us as ugly.

If they are having a good day, they see us as beautiful.

Their opinion has nothing to do with us!  And everything to do with them and what's going on inside of them.

I release myself from what other people think of me – I have no control of it anyway.

I determine to NOT take things personally. This sets me freeee.

A Universe Inside

People never cease to amaze me.

There is so much to a person; first impressions really DON’T count, and we should never look at the exterior or take anything at face value.

You think you know someone after meeting them a few times, then they surprise you with a snippet that makes you take a step back and realise: I really know so little about them.

We marry another human being, thinking we know them, then spend the rest of our lives finding out about them. They surprise us every day!

Inside each person are depths and dreams and longings and desires, and ambition that seems to go on and on.

I may have “known” someone for years, then when they retire, I discover they always had a passion to travel the world, or hand glide or take a cruise.

This reinforces the notion that we only see a snapshot of a person. A Still. An extract taken out of context from a book. Sometimes the person themselves doesn't realise how big their ‘book’ is. Each turn of a page, and I find out more about myself I hadn't realised was there previously.

We are all born with a universe inside: vast, untamed, fiery, explosive, spacious, interesting, ever expanding. As we grow up, we try and compartmentalise, act in a socially acceptable way, say things that will gain us approval, but really, there is a Universe within, waiting for the right person to explore us, or the right trigger to reveal itself.

Let’s respect each other, from the youngest child to the oldest grand parent, from the highest IQ to the lowest IQ, we are all People, and we all have the same creativity, life, passion, fears, loves, needs and DEPTH inside of us. A universe in each of us. Respect.