The Race

We are all in a race, yes every single human being.

But we are NOT racing against each other.

Every person on the planet is in their OWN lane, on their OWN track, travelling their OWN path, running their OWN race.

The race is called Life, and it is a different track for every person, with a different destination for each person.

There are people close to me, who run alongside me. But they are in their own lane, and I in mine. They are not running my race, neither am I running theirs.

Though our paths are different, I do recognise some of the pitfalls and obstacles they encounter, because I have been through something similar. I long to help my neighbour, warn them about what’s ahead, maybe make a helpful suggestion or recommend an approach. But that is ALL I can do: recommend, suggest, advise, care, and that, only when it is ASKED for and welcomed (back to the judging issue).

So, all I can do is smile, encourage, lend a hand, sit with them if necessary. But not for long, lest I loose my own race….

My influence stretches for some lanes, but I can’t help everyone in the whole world. No, I release myself from that burden.

In fact, I am not responsible for anyone else’s path, just my own. By the same token, I cannot blame anyone else for my path, they are not responsible for me. If they were, then I’d have no power. Instead, I take responsibility for my own path, thereby taking BACK my power. Awesome!

The only time we are responsible for someone else’s path, is for our children, and then, only when they are very young – a brief 10 years say?  Then we have to let them go for the rest of their lives, and assist them only when/if they come back for help.

Same with marriage – two people with THEIR OWN paths, get together to help each other along THEIR OWN journey. My deepest joy is to see my partner excel in their destiny, to see them fulfilled, to facilitate them, to make it easy for them to reach their goal in life. I used to think, marriage was two people running the same race together. One divorce later, I realise I was wrong. There is no room in one lane for two people. I do not own another person, neither can I make another person  do  anything. They are responsible for themselves and their own race.

Each person is a universe – more on that tomorrow…

A Snapshot

Today I found yet another reason why not to judge.

We've discussed previously, that:

1. Nobody appointed me a judge over their affairs, or asked for my opinion, so keep my nose out of their business.
2. Setting myself up as a judge, puts me in the awful position of being judged, criticised and condemned myself.

Well, a third reason might be: We simply have no idea.

We don’t have a clue what that person has been through, what troubles they've had, what battles they've won, what trauma they have endured, what heaviness they carry.

All we get, is a Snapshot.

Looking at someone impatient in a queue – how could I possibly know how close they are to suicide? Their child just died, or they've just lost their job, or they have tremendous back pain.

I understand this well, because I have been on both sides:

A player on the pitch

I have met people who have made a snap (incorrect) judgment of me within the first minute of meeting me. They think they’re clever, because they ‘read’ people. Well, not me baby. You have no idea what kind of day I've had, how dissolusioned I am, what it’s taken just to get me here.

And

A spectator in the stalls.

Looking at a public speaker, I sometimes catch myself criticising their manner, their approach, their performance, ugh, stinky me, so I choose to stop. I have no idea how much they have prepared, how nervous they are, what is going on beneath the surface, what their commute was like to get here. I choose instead to accept them, and smile at them, and encourage them, and offer my support.

A brief Snapshot into people’s lives is all we get.

A static photograph,

showing what they were like

at a precise time in history.

All the more reason not to point the finger, to judge, to accuse, or be superior.

We are all on the same journey through life – let's work together, not hinder each other.

Dealing With Loss

Today I spoke with an old man who’s wife had recently died.

I listened to him saying how much he missed her, and how  “it”  hits you, at certain times in the day, during occasional times in the year.

Yes Loss, an experience most people have to go through themselves, before they can truly appreciate it’s impact. A smell can trigger it off, or when visiting a special place, when watching a programme, or listening to music we both liked.

I remember, when my Loss was fresh and raw, walking into a room in my house, and saying “Hello”. There was no answer, and the loneliness and sadness washed over me.

I remember looking at a view, turning round to share it, but there was no one there…

I cried every day at 6pm, because that was the time we used to have tea together.

I cried every day at 7pm, because that was the time I used to bath the boys.

I cried every day at 8pm; that was the time I used to read them a bedtime story.

There is no easy answer to loss and grieving, except to go through it, with the Aim of getting out the other side.

Lots of patience is required, lots of listening, lots of support and encouragement.

Grieving can’t be hurried, like a wound that needs to heal in it’s own time.

If I let myself, I can feel the pain just as sharply now, as I did 14 years ago.  If.

Loss can be different for each person. The loss of a loved pet. The loss of a job you've been in for 20 years. The loss of friends. The loss of identity.

Having been through the loss of my family, my Dream, my children, my wife, my marriage, my home, my possessions, my self respect, I encountered many people  who were completely unsympathetic, unfeeling, uncaring, superior and smug in attitude. Telling me this had happened to me because there was something wrong with me, and how it would never happen to them because they were a better husband than me. How evil. Sad to say, these were leaders in the church I attended.

Do I dwell on this Rejection?  Do I wallow in self pity?  Do I store up bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart? Of course not – what benefit is that to me?

No. I choose instead to learn from that Injustice, and give to other people NOW, that which I was denied at the time. Sympathy, grace, love, compassion, empathy, a listening ear, an encouraging word, a simple smile and most importantly, friendship. I give these gifts to other people liberally now. Lavishly.

I have used my past, to springboard me into my future.

I am a better person now, not because of my past, but because of my RESPONSE to what I have been through.  Well done Serge, proud of you mate.

A Person of Character

Ah yes, Character.   Following on from yesterdays discussion.

Character:  Sometimes called  “Who You Are”, as opposed to “What You Do”.

I've heard it called the  “BE”  (as in setting “BE” goals, before you can set the “HAVE” goals.

Another definition might be: “Who You Are Becoming”.

A better person hopefully. More enlightened. Elevated. Clearer thinking.

Character is the vessel which houses the precious liquid.

Nobody sees the precious liquid – they are put off by the vessel. Or attracted by the vessel. Works both ways. As the vessel gets cleaner, more pure, more beautiful, people will be more ready to accept the stuff on the inside.

BE + DO = HAVE

Focusing on the  HAVE’s  (what I want),  is only a third of the battle.

Focusing on the  DO’s  (activity),  is also incomplete, I’d just exhaust myself running around in circles like a headless chicken.

Focusing on the  BE’s  alone, is just as fruitless, sometimes called navel gazing or being too introspective, or too ‘head-up-in-the-clouds’.

Character to me, is what obscures the diamond inside. We all have a diamond inside of us, but it is obscured by black filth: gossip, bad thoughts, criticism, manipulating,  putting people down etc etc, all the bad stuff.

My life-long quest is to reduce this stuff that surrounds my diamond, so that my true gifting can be seen, pure and beautiful and unadulterated.

Who and What I am becoming, can be summarised in some words from the Bible: “….love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…”

Perhaps I could add other qualities I aspire to: living in the Truth, acceptance of others, being non-judgmental, having an open mind, being teachable, patient.

Yea, I could live with someone with all these characteristics!

A man of Character. 

Giftings

Inspired by a conversation with my boy.

He observes things, notices things, perceives things, that other people miss.

It’s great that he questions everything and doesn't accept junk thrown at him in school and church etc, like most people do; he isn't a sheep.

His insight is a gift. It is a good thing.

However, what he DOES with that knowledge or insight, is what makes or breaks a situation.

It’s his RESPONSE to the questioning perception, that either alienates him from people or makes him approachable to people.

He hasn't yet realised, that his superior insight is a gift to be treasured and cultivated and honed and used FOR GOOD.

Instead, he brandishes his observations around like a too-heavy sword, that he waves around, slashing wildly and blindly at fellow family members, causing deep unnecessary wounds.

His elevated awareness should make him more patient and sensitive to people who haven’t “seen the light”. Instead, he handles things with a critical, cynical, haughty and proud attitude. Putting people down instead of lifting them up. Making them out to be stupid, instead of gently showing them a better way.

What’s wonderful about this, is that at the young age of only 16, he has seen this for himself. This is truly a breakthrough – it took me 30 years to see it myself!

His giftings and talents will never be taken away from him – let us now hope we can work on his CHARACTER, which is the container that carries all this around all day every day.

More on Character tomorrow….

Flipping

Some people call it “Flipping”, others call it “pivoting”, still others call it “Re-framing”.

It’s all about how I speak to myself – Neuro Linguistic Programming.

If something bad happens to me, I will immediately look for the flip side. How can I milk this situation to do me good?  How can I RENAME this experience, to make it serve me instead of rob me?  I choose to  not  call it a disaster, I choose to call it…….

Now, I'm not pretending the bad stuff didn't happen, I am just choosing to  not  wallow in my misfortune. I choose to focus on the positive aspects.  If there appear to be none, then I will choose to spend my time dwelling on the future, and how I can best use this opportunity to move me forward.

I will do anything and everything to pull myself up out of the mud. If I think bad thoughts, I will spiral downwards into depression. My definition of depression is a deep pit, that I have built with my own hands and efforts. All around me, I can see brown dirty walls that have been built by me. Me me me, my walls, my problems, my situation, my feelings, my rights. If I agree that I have built it (take responsibility), then I can certainly dismantle it. This is encouraging. I can choose to LOOK UP out of my pit. Blue sky, birds singing.  I start to focus on other people instead of me, I choose to think about Good things, which gradually elevate me and the people around me.

What good can possible come out of a divorce? At the time, I could see no good whatsoever. I considered my dreams shattered and my life ended. But the fact that I can now (8 years later) see many good things  (freedom, release, money saving, a fresh start, re-evaluating, a peaceful home),  fills  me with hope when the next so-called ‘catastrophe’ hits.

So, to summarise:  Rename a situation, call it something else. Bad things will happen – the weight I give them is up to me.

See, I Told You So

Today I wanted to think about the Self Destruct button we all have inside.

We tell ourselves regularly we have no money, we have a history, and years of evidence, of having no money; having no money is entrenched in our subconscious.

So, when we DO finally get some money, say from inheritance, or a savings plan maturing, or winnings, or a gift, what’s the Very First thing we do with it? Why, spend it, of course.

So, a week later, we have no money again, and our mind says: Whew, that was close, we don’t have any money remember. Now the balance of nature is restored, and we can once again say with confidence: See told you so, I don’t have any money.

Some of us have a history of failed relationships. “It never works for me”, we tell ourselves over and over again, “I can never find anyone nice”, we say.

One day, someone amazing walks into our lives, and simply loves us. Oh my goodness, what a shock! This doesn't happen to me! Quick, lets end this! We must find a way to sabotage this wonderful thing that is happening to us! What can I say to get rid of them? What argument can I start? Whew, they've gone, and balance is restored again. Told you so, I’m rubbish with relationships. Why does this always happen to me….

I watch people public speaking. They keep reiterating how bad they are at public speaking. Their body hears them and prepares for failure each time. When it’s their turn to speak, they don’t plan or prepare, they don’t practice, they don’t visualise, they don’t write anything down, they stand in the wrong place, thereby ENSURING they fail once again, reinforcing the notion, concreting the belief. They sabotage themselves so they can be proved Right: “See, I told you I couldn't public speak”.

So, I choose to change my language and my thoughts, stop reinforcing the negative and stop sabotaging myself.

Plus 5, Minus 5 and Zero

There is a scale, going from minus 5, through Zero, and onto plus 5.

-5  -4  -3  -2  -1  0  +1  +2  +3  +4  +5

-5  is doing something bad

 0  is doing nothing

+5 is doing something good

-5  is thinking bad thoughts that drag you down

 0  is thinking nothing or neutral thoughts

+5 is thinking Good thoughts that lift you up

-5  is saying something bad, that puts other people down

 0  is at least, saying nothing. Keep your nasty thoughts to yourself.

+5 is saying something Good and constructive, that will build people up

-5  is attaching a bad emotion to something that’s happened in your life

 0  is attaching NO emotion to what’s just happened in your life

+5 is attaching a Good and helpful emotion to what’s happening in your life

-5  is watching someone struggling, and criticising them, hindering them

 0  is doing nothing, don’t interfere, just walk on by my friend

+5 is to choose to get in there and help them

-5  is using your mind to attract more misfortune into your life

 0  is not using your mind, and not attracting anything

+5 is using your mind to create, attract, draw Good things into your life.

-5  is being a  Dependent

 0  is being     INdependent

+5 is being     INTER-dependent    (contributing as part of a team)

Message for today: AT LEAST GET TO ZERO.

If we all did this, the world would be a better place.

However, if we all did PLUS FIVE, this planet would be HEAVEN.

Nice.

Parenting 2

This may interest people who believe in the God of the Bible.

To anyone else, this follows on from yesterday’s Parenting thoughts.

He calls us his Children, asks us to call him Father, and frequently refers to his followers as Family.

So, the Parenting Principle applies here too.

We come to him as tiny babes; the Bible refers to it  as being Born Again.

We are encouraged to sit at his feet and learn from him as he forges his character, his values, his personality in us. 

To start with, we depend on him in every situation, for every direction, before every decision, during every interaction.

But over the years, his obvious aim is to GROW US UP, so becoming more and more like him, more and more independent, representing him as ambassadors. Abraham got to the stage in his development, where he was even called: “Friend of God”. In Jeremiah, it states that the new covenant will no longer be a terrifying list of rules to obey, but his law will be written on our hearts.

The childish dependency is gradually replaced by what the Bible calls: ‘The Mind Of Christ’; which means we instinctively know the right path to take, the wisest decision to make, the correct thing to say, because his essence, his Spirit, his very being is within us.

So, (much like our own children)  we need to Grow Up.  The desperate reliance lessens, as our ‘Skill In Living’ grows, as we gradually Mature from ‘Babes in Christ’ to “Oaks of Righteousness” and “Men and Women of God”.  Adults!  James says we should be: “Mature and Complete, not lacking anything”. Not permanently dependent and fragile, meek and weak.

What struck me recently, was the number of times I hear people who have been in ‘The Way’ for many years, asking ‘Dad’ what to do in every single situation, what car to buy, what job to take, what to wear, what to eat, where to go, what to say.

Worse still, is when they ask ‘Dad’ to Stop them Speaking too much, to Prevent them going down that path, or to rescue them from a situation they themselves have put themselves into. That is still being childish.

No parent wants their child to still be dependent at the age of 30.

Many times over recent years, I have sensed a voice within me, telling me: I am a big boy now, I have been given the Mind of Christ, I can choose for myself.

Far from putting me in bondage, this revelation has brought me Freedom. I realise with relief, that my Dad trusts me to live my life under his principles, and he looks down and smiles, and declares: “It Is Good. I have raised Serge correctly, he is now ready to leave home and face the world. I will of course be right there with him, but I have taught him how to be responsible for his own health, to manage his money, to control his own thoughts and speech. Go Serge, proud of you my son”.

Parenting 1

Our role, as parents, is two-fold:

1. To provide security, care, encouragement, support, protection and nurture to a brand new, tiny, vulnerable human being.
2. To gently coax that little child OUT of childhood, and INTO adulthood.

Of course, you say, it’s obvious? Not to some parents it isn't.

To NOT do option 2 above, is (one of) the greatest dis-service we can do to a child.

It’s true that children grow rapidly on the outside, I blinked, and my boys are now 16 and taller than me.

But, that’s just the outside, the visible, the physical, the body. What about their INSIDES? Who takes an interest in helping a person grow up on the inside?

(I know a 50 year old, who looks 50 on the outside, but is only 9 years old on the inside. The trauma was so great at that early age, she shut herself down and never progressed through teenage to emerge triumphant into adulthood. A mother to three children, but still herself, a child inside).

Our role, as parents, is NOT to mollycoddle a child, keep them immature, childish, little, dependent and vulnerable.

Our role is to teach them to tie their own shoe laces, to manage their own money, to cook for themselves, to choose their own clothes, to make their own career choices. To teach them how to be Responsible, that there are Consequences to the actions they take and things they say and the way they treat people. Shielding teenagers from this, keeps them small on the inside, so they enter the Big World of Adults  COMPLETELY UNPREPARED.

The young adult’s choice then is:

  1. To Father and Mother themselves and grow themselves into adults, or

  2. Remain children on the inside, bouncing from partner to partner, from job to job,  church to church, looking for the care and support they refuse to give themselves.

Notice I said their "Choice".  It set me free, when I realised I was responsible for me, when I stopped blaming my parents, my past, my upbringing.

I set me FREE.

Catch Yourself Doing Something Good

So much of what we cover in these blogs centres around loving yourself FIRST.

Accepting yourself first. Respecting yourself first. Looking after yourself first.

Only then can we extend that love to others outside of us.

But how on earth do we do this?

How do we even begin to LIKE ourselves, let alone love and accept.

It’s a vicious cycle: I have been rubbish, I see myself as rubbish, I believe I am rubbish, therefore I AM rubbish.

How can we break out of this?

Well, one way, is to catch yourself doing something right.

Begin accumulating fresh evidence, good evidence, the kind you are proud of.

It can be as simple as resisting that extra mouthful.

Finishing that piece of homework we thought we couldn't do.

Holding open the door for someone.

Tidy after myself.

Going for that jog round the block we've always intended to do.

Hold back from snapping at members of our family.

Conquer that guitar lick I couldn't do yesterday.

Whatever it is, for each person, take that one small step, and catch yourself doing something right. Praise yourself, congratulate yourself. Tell yourself you are improving, begin to be proud of your progress.

(Self talk is massively important).

Gradually (and it took years for me), I began to be able to look in the mirror again. One day, after several years of acquiring numerous small pieces of evidence that proved I wasn't rubbish any more, I looked in the mirror and declared: “Well done Serge, I’m proud of you. You've done a really good job. Thank you”.

It Takes All Sorts

Why do we beep at other drivers?

Why do we tut at the way other parents raise their kids?

Why do we criticise the running of a meeting?

Why do we scrutinise someone else’s housework?

Why do we scoff at the way someone dresses?

Why do we sneer at the meal someone has prepared/is preparing for us?

Why do we look down on people jogging along the roadside?

Why do we butt in when someone gets a small story detail wrong?

Why do we tell people they are wrong, just because they like a film we don’t?

Do we really want everybody in the whole world to be like us?

To look like us?  To act like us?  To think like us?

Is it a power thing – do we want to take over the whole world.

Or is it a selfish thing – where we want nothing to exist except me, me, me.

Whatever it is, it’s horrible.

I choose to stop judging, stop criticising, stop telling people they are ‘wrong’.

Who appointed me a driving instructor? Nobody.

If I beep at another driver, will they wave politely and thank me for pointing out their ‘mistake’?  Of course not.

So I make it none of my business how someone parks or drives or overtakes.

Instead, I choose to be PROUD of someone, when I see them jogging in the street.

I choose to be Grateful, whenever someone gives or makes me anything.

I choose to Accept people as they are.

I choose to Respect people who do their best.

I choose to Honour everyone I come across.

And little by little, the World around me is becoming a better place....

Who Made Me A Judge?

Somebody walks into a room; “Why are they wearing THAT” we think.

“How inappropriate”, we muse.

“They couldn't even be bothered to colour-code their outfit”, ladies tut.

“That’s too tight. That’s too stripy.  That’s too low, too high”.

Well, Judge Serge, who appointed YOU a fashion guru?

Who made me an Attire Consultant?

Who gave me the RIGHT to judge someone else?

Who asked my opinion anyway?

The truth is, nobody asked me, I have no right and it’s none of my business anyway.

If I set myself up as a Judge, and point my finger at others, my gracious, what a terrible responsibility I have dumped on myself. What a burden.

Of course we know, when we point, three fingers point back at us.

Jesus taught: If we judge others, we will be judged by the same measure.

So, I will do myself a favour, and release myself from the unnecessary role of Judge and Critic, and I will release other people to be, do, wear whatever they want, and I choose to accept myself and others, full stop.

Now, the world is a better place….

The Poor Me Ploy

I am  gripped today, by the importance of Growing Up.

Following on from yesterday, where I explored the disturbing notion of people hurting themselves, possibly to gain attention, possibly to avoid responsibility.

Growing Up to me, is the process going from dependent childhood (look after me), to independent teenager (I can take care of myself), to inter-dependent Adult (I will now look after somebody else).

When we were little, if we fell over and hurt ourselves, we suddenly found ourselves the centre of attention, surrounded by grown-ups giving us comfort and care; “There there, we’ll look after you until you’re better”.

But when we left home and set up our own lives  this time surrounded by Peers  not parents,  we found that hurting ourselves and using the “poor me” ploy, didn't get the sympathy and attention we craved. Instead, the realisation dawned on us that we should start looking after Ourselves, with the Aim of Contributing to society, rather than sapping from it like many do.

This is one aspect of Growing Up.

This step (independence) needs to be completed, before we become parents ourselves, and have the massive responsibility of running a home with someone else (inter-dependence), and looking after other little people. Now, there is certainly no place for the Poor Me syndrome, surely….

Yet some people persist with this their whole lives, hoping to elicit sympathy from others and remaining dependent like children.

I choose to think Good thoughts, to take Good actions, to eat Good food, to do Good exercise, to speak Good words, to have a Good nights sleep, in general, to be Good.

I determine to put aside childish ways, and stand tall, an Adult.

Join me on this Path Less Traveled, we will support each other.

People Hurt Themselves

Today's enlightening thought, follows on from the concept: We have to love and respect ourselves first, before we can love and accept others. Everything begins with ME, as the saying goes.
I observed how many people hurt themselves, and a pattern began to emerge.
People hold onto bitterness and refuse to forgive, and this shows up in their bodies as ulcers, tumors and worse....
People choose to think about bad things, negative comments, look on the pessimistic side, then they get themselves diagnosed with Depression....
People eat a very UNbalanced diet: pasta, potatoes, breads, their immune system weakens, and they complain they always catch every cold that comes round....
People sit at home all day, watching telly with the curtains drawn, and they wonder why they have skin problems. Go for a walk in the wind and sun, I tell them, let yourself be healed naturally.
People eat cakes, biscuits, crisps, sweets, they fur up their arteries, and then wonder why they can't skip up stairs any more. They blame their age instead....
People refuse to exercise, there is no surge of blood round their bodies, their heart never has to pump properly, they never get this rush of adrenalin that brings life and hope. They feel drained and low all the time. So they blame the weather....
People let themselves get heavier and heavier, putting increased pressure on their ankles and knees and back. Then they complain they can't exercise because they have naturally bad joints....
People don't drink enough water, then they have headaches and pains in their insides, and the doctor says they have kidney failure. Then they blame their heritage: I always was a poorly child....
People never look in the mirror, never learn from their mistakes, so they repeat them over and over again, going out with abusive partners, attracting the same job situations.
Why do people hurt themselves?
Tell you tomorrow.

Fresh Start Each Day

Today I was inspired by the thought, that each day begins with a New Birth, and ends with a Death.
Each day, I am given a Fresh Start, Another Chance, a Second Shot.
The Breaking of Day issues in a Brand New Opportunity to get it right, to give life another go.
This is exciting!
Every Dawn, I have another chance to set new goals, objectives and aims, take stock of my life, re-focus.
To put aside the failures of yesterday, to forgive myself and others, to have another shot at the prize.
Every Evening, I have another opportunity to review my life, my journey, re-evaluate my position, to take stock.
Every night, I put to death the mistakes, the missed chances, the negative aspects of the day, and choose to lay them to rest.
The fact that day follows night, spring follows winter, the 1st of Jan always follows 31st of December, it's obvious the universe operates in cycles.
Each day we are encouraged to exercise 20 mins.
Each day we are encouraged to eat five fruits.
Each day we are encouraged to drink 2-3 litres of water.
And part of each and every day, should be taken up setting intentions (a to-do list), and reviewing our personal progress.
Otherwise, we don't know how we are doing, where we are going, how to get there, if we have arrived or not. How can we know how far we have come, how far we have yet to go?
I am glad, every New Day, for being Born; I declare "Today is going to be a GREAT day!".
I am glad, just before bed each night, for the right kind of Death, where I can let go of today, and look forward to tomorrow with expectancy.

Accepting Others

Today I observed that people who are ALREADY GOOD at something, can't understand others who are not good yet . People who are naturally gifted in an area, have no tolerance or understanding of others who are struggling in said area.
People who have it in their genes, to be self confident, for example, simply can't understand people who are low in self confidence.
I've seen people get a lightbulb moment, and suddenly realise how a puzzle fits together, and they then despise the others who can't see it yet.
People who are slim, look at over-eaters and say "Just stop it".
People who appear to have no problems, look at depressed people and say" Just snap out of it".
I speak to people who are naturally good at Sales, and they look at me incredulously, and say "Obviously, just say this". Well, it's not obvious to me.
Bullies appear to have no frame of reference when it comes to understanding their victims.
A friend the other day shot at me "Well, obviously, this is what you should do in this situation". I looked at her and thought: That comment came out of 30 years of you being in a field, mastering your trade. It is not obvious to me and does not come naturally or easily to me.
My personal field, is Music; I teach instruments to people.
I see other musicians look at non-musicians incredulously, and say "Why can't they get it? Why can't they even clap in time?". My compatriots have absolutely no concept, that others can't do what they can.
Some of my students pick rhythms and timings up naturally and effortlessly - it is in their DNA.
Other students simply do not have it in them, yet they still have a desire to create beauty and art out of their own fingers. Do I discourage them, and tell them they don't have that magic "x factor"? Do I run out of patience with them, and tell them to try a different pastime?  OF COURSE NOT!
I love my students, I will find a way to encourage them and help them learn to play the instrument they so desire. Some students I count with, others I sing to and they copy, others have to see what I'm doing first. The skill in teaching is to be able to get into peoples shoes, see things from their perspective, speak their language.
SO, to end, I guess I am preaching TOLERANCE and ACCEPTANCE of each other, to cultivate virtues like PATIENCE and EMPATHY, to never look down on another person, or judge them because they can't grasp or see what I have.

What Do You Really Want?

I want, I want, I want.  Sounds so selfish and self absorbent doesn't it.
Why is it always about what I want, me me me?
I'll tell you why - it's because if I don't know where I am heading, I will certainly never get there.
If I have no vision, no goal, intention or aim, I will most probably meander round in circles, exhausting myself, repeating the same mistakes, going over old ground continually. Sounds like some peoples' lives, yes?
Earl Nightingale once said (paraphrased): However big and powerful a ship's engine is, however determined the crew, if you simply turn it on but give it no captain and no destination, it will certainly crash, whether into the shore, or the docks, or the harbour wall. The bible says, without vision the people perish.
If I write down what I want to see in my life, what I want to achieve, then, if an opportunity presents itself that may sound good, but is dragging me away from my goal, then I must surely say no to such an opportunity.
If I write down what I want in a life partner, and I keep that list before me, then I won't be tempted to settle for third or fourth best. I must start valuing myself more; if I know someone will not make me happy, then why even start down that path?  I refuse to be desperate.
Certainly don't go for outward appearance alone.
Make a list of what I really really want. Compare it with what I've got in front of me, whether person or situation. How do the two match up?
Please don't settle for something temporary now, knowing deep down that it will turn sour in a years time.
So many relationships end like this.
Respect and value myself more - write down what I want.
Then I will recognise it when it comes.

Let Them Go

Today I was struck with how important it is to look after myself FIRST, before trying to Give to others.
How many carers do we know (nurses, social workers, mothers), who spend their whole lives serving others, neglecting themselves, only to die from something terrible like cancer, and people say "Aw it couldn't have happened to a nicer person, they gave so much".
Back to this idea of concentric circles: How can I give to others, when I don't look after myself?
The issue on my mind today, is Forgiveness.
Not Forgiveness in the sense of Letting people trample all over me, not a weak forgiveness at all.
My version of Forgiveness, is to Release someone.
I release them to be themselves somewhere else, with someone else.
I let them go - they can't hurt me any more.
I free them - they have no more hold over me.
I remove the attachment.  I stop trying to change you.  I let you go.  I release you.  I forgive you.
Forgiving someone who's damaged me, is a way of freeing ME. I refuse to cling to bitterness.
I forgive them, thereby releasing me.
How excellent is that!
From simple things like the driver who sits in my rear (I simply let them overtake, and they roar off into the distance, I release them to go bother someone else, and I go free), to the really hard things like coping with family members (I forgive them, I let them go, I accept them as they are, they will never change, so I release them to be them).
The aim is to look after me, to be at peace, to operate out of Freedom, to not bottle up anger, to not cling to bitterness. Only THEN can I effectively give to others.

Being Nice Starts With Me

Today's encouraging and uplifting thought was inspired by my son, who said he had never in all his life, heard me put him down or say something negative about him.
I explained to him that the way we treat others, is the way we treat ourselves.
If we value and respect ourselves, we will value other people's time, and respect other people's opinions.
The way I speak to others, is the way I speak to myself, FIRST.
I see Personal Growth, as an army Taking Ground in concentric circles, ever increasing.
First I love and accept myself and learn how to speak nicely to myself, then I learn how to love, accept and communicate with my family, then I learn how to treat neighbours and work colleagues who I see every day, and so on, ever growing and improving and heading upwards..
But it always starts with ME.
We all know people who treat THEMSELVES badly, they waste their time, they spend money unwisely, they eat things that damage them, they think thoughts that depress them, they neglect their health and don't look after their bodies, they watch people shouting and arguing on telly, they listen to angry aggressive music. Remember, what goes in, comes out. Garbage in, garbage out.
So, I choose to feed myself good things! I think good thoughts. I speak to myself kindly. I focus on good things. I listen to uplifting people, and don't spend long hours with negative complaining bitchy gossipy people.
Spend just a few moments with me, and you will come away uplifted and encouraged and enlightened and feeling better about life!
Because that's how I treat myself.